Falling Apart - 25.01.14 in Your Face

Today I feel really, really betrayed by M. I know nothing at all of where me life is going right now, because he doesn't tell me a damn thing. It's like he thinks I am a child, or it's none of my business. My latest suspicion is that he is working, but is holding off on getting me there until he has enough money in the bank. My suspicion is based on conversations with a mutual friend, and a recent, carefully worded email from M. If that is his plan, it is sound, and I agree with it. It's like he thinks I'll dive on the next plane if he tells me he has work. Which, I would WANT to do, but I'm not totally stupid. I KNOW our plans will only work if we have the money to back them up. I just want to work on this together. I'm tired of feeling like I'm fumbling through on my own. I just can't get through to him when he's like this.

I'm so up and down. I am going to the gym on a free 30 pass I got, and counting my calories. I want to slim back down to around 60kg to 62kg. I was 65.6kg this morning, so not far to go.

Work is alright. Looking forward to finishing up there one day. I lost my passion once I knew I was leaving.

I have decluttered my room a lot. It almost feels like a hotel room. Almost all of my personal items are packed, aside from what I need on a daily basis.

I go to work, and I try to get my life in order. All those little things I need to sort out before I leave for good.

Because one day soon, I will be gone. It IS coming closer, and I never want to have to do this again.

I wonder how this has changed me. Every life experience changes a person. I can't tell. Maybe I'll be more appreciative of the little things again. Of him.