Inspection, cat wound, Mom and brother came. in Since OD is shutting down....

OK so my inspection was to be Friday at 2pm. My Mom came and helped me get the cats into the car, hide all the cat stuff just for the stupid landlord to be fucking late. I finally call her and she said that she ran out of time to call and verify if my appointment was actually Friday or on Monday because she had it in her calendar for both. I told her no, it’s today and I’ve been waiting for almost 30 minutes. OMG! She finally came, wouldn’t shut up and then it’s been decided that I’ll need new mini blinds and we are going to start having parking permits starting in 2-3 months. I’m not sure how it’s going to be decided who gets to have 1 car and who gets to have 2, but either way I get to figure out what I’m going to do with at least 1.

It’s going to be about $207 to register all 3 so I need to prepare for that as well because I have to get it done by April 1st. Ugh, I just feel like I’m never going to make enough money to pay bills, buy baby stuff, save money, and pay off my credit card. I’m seriously just getting overwhelmed. I wish I could just park a car on my parents property but I just know that wouldn’t end well because it would turn into my Dad filing for a lost title and wedging me out of a fucking car that I’ve paid out the ass for. I just can’t allow that to happen. I’m glad that I have a couple of months to consider my options and try to find a cheap place to put 1.

So my smallest, youngest cat went out Monday afternoon and came back in Thursday. I don’t notice until Friday morning that he’s got a swollen back paw. I’m completely freaking out because it’s hot to the touch, he won’t put weight on it and is not allowing me to touch it whatsoever. My Mom said to just let it be and the swelling might go down. I come home Friday night and it’s still just as bad. I call an emergency vet clinic to be told it would cost $100 for x-rays and whatever to fix him. Well, I get totally stressed and just cry for about 45 minutes because I feel so terrible because I just knew he was in pain and I just couldn’t imagine having to get another credit card and having yet another bill on top of paying to register cars, having to find a spot for a car, all my bills, and blah blah blah…

Well I just can’t sleep at all Friday night because I’m so worried about him and I have to work all day Saturday. I struggle to get up Saturday morning and struggled to stay focused at work. I was certain I was going to come home to him still limping and the paw swollen as fuck. I get home after being gone for 10 hours and it’s back to normal size with a small wound. I couldn’t have been more happy!!! He’s sitting here on my bed leaning on my keyboard as I write this and I am just so grateful he’s fine.

My Mom and little brother spent the night last night and it was actually pretty fun. My older brother came for awhile but didn’t really talk to me. I wanted to ask if I’d ever see his little one again but by the time he came, I was just exhausted and just didn’t have it in me to say anything. I’m honestly sick of bugging my Mom about it and honestly don’t want to talk about it anymore.

I’m definitely stressed about things. I’m going to have to get 1 cat licensed and all that because of they are going to fix mini blinds so if they see one cat it won’t be a problem and then just have my Mom come take the other 2 or something. I worry about this because I’m afraid they’ll come when I’m not home and not tell me but they’ve never done that before so I’m probably just borrowing trouble. I also don’t like knowing I’m going to have to put a car somewhere for numerous reasons.

All of this indicates that I need to find an actual house or a trailer so I can have all my cars with me wherever I’m at. Moving isn’t an option right now because I don’t have a shit ton of money because I have a baby on the way.

My taxes got rejected by the IRS because I don’t know how much I made last year and they need that to verify your identity so I have to wait for them to fucking mail it to me. I really need to figure out how to keep track of this information year to year because I’m tired of this headache every time I have to do my fucking taxes.

So I need to pay the rest of my cable bill tomorrow. I wasn’t able to buy any baby stuff this week due to paying rent and car insurance but hopefully this coming week, I’ll have some money to. I also get to save so I can get new tags for my cars. I don’t mind all this because I don’t need to spend money on myself but I just hope I make decent money every night this week to get everything I need.

It was great having my family here and we are going to start doing this every weekend. My Mom wants us to start shopping at second hand stores for the baby too. I’m beyond excited because this means I actually have something to look forward to outside of work. It’s just so depressing to sit here by myself for 2 days a week and then the only life I have outside of it is going to work.

Things seem to be looking up some and I hope they stay that way. I’ve also decided that instead of hating people or holding any type of grudge or giving out silent treatment, I kill them with kindness and it’s started with that girl that told me to terminate my pregnancy so I could drink. I was pretty nice to her yesterday and it made me feel good. I ain’t trying to be ugly to anyone and hopefully good karma will come back to me. I just figure it’s time for a new way of trying to be a better person.

Weather has been pretty cold again. I’m going to be so fucking happy when Spring gets here. I don’t know how much more of this shit I can take. I want to be warm when I’m outside!! I’m just sick of this cold bullshit I could fucking scream. It’s definitely been harder on me this year because I’m pregnant.

My little brother told me that my Dad is pissed that I got pregnant by someone of a different race. This is very upsetting because IT’S NOT HIS FUCKING PROBLEM! I always knew if I had kids, they would be mixed because I like darker skin. I just don’t appreciate the racist comments at all because my child can’t help who participated in making her and I already worry about her skin color when she comes out and how it’s going to affect her life.

I am so tired of hearing about the negative shit that my Dad has to say. I haven’t even spoke to him directly since I went out to their house back in September and he treated me like complete dog shit until I left. I just wish he’d let me worry about my child and mind his own fucking business. I honestly lost my respect for him years ago and that’s why I haven’t had much to do with him in about 10 years and I wish he would ever think about why or what he could have done different for me and my siblings. My little brother is also over living so far out of town and them not giving him all of his money. I told him to get a copy of his rewards letter. I told him to talk to DSS and tell them he wants to move into some type of halfway house place and get the fuck out of there.

Anyways, I need to lay down because my back is fucking killing me. I had an amazing nap earlier but should try to get some sleep. I’m currently 15 weeks and 4 days. I should start to feel the baby move pretty soon and that makes me happy. I’m still super thrilled about having a girl! It’s so awesome and I love buying outfits because they are so damn cute! I have a girl that I work with that’s gonna give me a carseat/stroller combo but if I don’t like it, I’m going to trade it for something I will like. There’s a lot of stores around here you can trade stuff and what I save on someone giving me something, I have more money for other things like a bathtub, diaper genie, and more diapers.

Goodnight.