Muriel. in 2017. got it.

so Muriel as i’ve mentioned is Pat’s mom. Pat was my best friend. so recently i asked her for clarification on her confidentiality policy. like if [and i never have] she found out i had cancer would she have to tell? and what about in regards to my sexuality? cause awhile ago when i asked her about her policy she said she’d keep it confidential untll it became public knowledge. well.........this time she changed her tune. She told me that anything I tell her is safe w// her. the only exception is the safety thing like if i was being abused. [which btw i’m not. if i were i’d either blog about it here or tell another friend]. i understand. i mean she’s a mom and all but it makes it hard for me. like i want to be able to trust her completely esp. as she’s my best friend’s mom but i..........can’‘t. same w/ valerie and my psych. but w/ my psych it’s a little different cause she’s not a mom. There’s only been once that i’ve told someone something evan’s toldme. and i told Muriel but that was bc i kno he’s cool w/ her. but usually i won’t do that. w/ my sister i won’t do that. [but w/ my sister i wouldn’t have to do that cause. she’s a public person]. but my point being. w/ my friends most of the time i won’t do that. i want them to be able to trust me.
i think this is another reason i don’t want to be responsible for someone else in that way. is cause i feel like when people break your confidentiality they also break your trust. however w/ Muriel and um jd. When I’ve asked them about their policy they didn’t get all up in my face about it the way Ashley did. which is why Ashley & I don’t talk. i mean not like we were all that close but we were at least civil. and now.like when the holidays come around i don’t feel good enough to wish her happy holidays on fb. and it’s not like i have to or anythign. whereas w/ others i do. which is sad but i’m no the one who got all up in her face about it. so anyway getting back to my point. this means i could probably tell Muriel about what happened to me.......being the rapes. or about my ex. but maybe that’s as far as it goes. i couldn’t tell her about when my depression gets bad or my ED.cause she’d have to tell. she knows i drink but that............well idinno. cause i think she knows i have a drinking problem well actually i’ve cut way back i only drink once a wk now maybe twice but far as i know she’s never told anyone about it. and that’s how i want it. if people are going to break my confidentiality. well a just don’t. and 2 if they are going to then tell me but don’t let it get back to me. cause that won’t help anyone move forward. i’m better off not knowing whether or not she told someone about the drinking. people on fb know i drink but when i post updates about it i don’t put it as ‘god i got so smashed last night’. i’m like ‘yeah i could go for a drink’ or ‘huh. so that’s what burbon tastes like’ or ‘i’ve had a bit’. i don’t like.blatantly advertise it. [btw yes even though i have cut way back i still consider myself to have a drinking problem]. and that’s actually why i have 2 fbs. so i could post things like that and like my sister wouldn’t know. and the fb that muriel is on i’m pretty sure is private.

Last updated July 16, 2018