Counseling Sesh #2 in Mental Health, 2017

Dare I say it, I like my therapist. Which is probably a good thing because until I can prove to her that I’m good, I gotta see her once a week, every week. I was REALLY hoping for once a month because that would be a lot easier to hide from work. Alas, I had to reveal to work today why I’ll be a tad bit late in the morning every Tuesday.

And I’m probably a terrible, terrible person for what I told them, but how do you say “Hey, I’m not good, so i gotta talk things out with a therapist every week until I am good and no longer cry every time I see her and/or almost have a panic attack every time I see her”? So what did I tell my supervisor (who is the same age as me and is actually very cool for a dude accountant)? I said “Hey is it okay if I adjust my schedule to start a half hour later every Tuesday?” He knew these last three appts were drs appts. so then i added “I thought I’d be able to shake these appts, but it looks like it’s going to be a weekly things for awhile, so I should probably clue you in…They are counseling appts. Something happened to me while I was home over the holidays and I gotta see a therapist once a week for now. Hence why I was able to get seen by a dr a day after I called when I got back.”

I’m a terrible person. It’s just easier to blame an imaginary something than to tell the actual reason. And the fact that I got that first appt so quickly was purely coincidence.

Anyway. I do feel like our session today was productive. I brought up the fact that I’m not good at talking and can’t hold eye contact with anyone until i really get to no them. And how anxiety makes me freeze sometimes when someone asks me a question that I know the answer to, but can’t think of the answer because my mind blanks. And how all of that is so frustrating because it affects daily life and is embarassing for a grown adult and how all of that turns into depression and how that spirals out of control (because of more reasons than faulty communications skills, obviously) and then I’m walking a fine line.

She said something about something i said (legit can’t remember) and her response was “we’ll talk about that when the time’s right. We’re not quite there yet.” And my immediate thought going through my head was “I’m so screwed up she won’t even approach certain topics yet.” I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean it exactly like that but it did make me chuckle inside.

And thank God my insurance through my work is good. Last year it wasnt as good and would have cost twice as much. this year it costs me $25/session with my current insurance. last year it would have cost $50/session. $100/month is way better than $200.

I do think she’s smart and knows her shit though. She said a few things today that made me stop and think because it was really interesting shit and rang true with me.

We’ll see.

Last updated January 25, 2017