My dream came true!! in Since OD is shutting down....

Yesterday started off shitty, thanks to my hormones. I was bawling and inconsolable. I had an incredible night at work and made some decent money for a change. No one pissed me off and everyone was in a good mood due to it being a lot more busy.

I felt pretty decent last night about everything. I came home and took out garbage. I didn’t eat much for supper because I wasn’t all that hungry and then I went to bed. I woke up this morning when my friend called and we talked about the gender of my baby. I told her that I was sure it was going to be a girl because all the signs pointed to it. My hair is dull and thin, the heart rate is 140, the baking soda test didn’t show any fizzing and I just had a strong feeling.

Well we hung up and my nurses calls. She said the baby is perfectly healthy and asked if I wanted to know the gender. I said I was literally dying to know. She laughed and told me it was GIRL!!! Yes, I am having my little girl!!!! I seriously can’t stop smiling for anything. I knew it was going to be but to have that confirmation has made me so happy!!

I left there and went to Walmart. I bought 14 brand new outfits, more diapers, a pink bottle washer, 2 packages of pacifiers, and bottles. I spent about $60. I have spent about $150 so far on diapers and I also have a big box of wipes. I plan to continue to ad to the stock pile. I’m glad I have 6 months until she’s here to get as prepared as possible. I’m so glad i know what I’m having so I don’t have to say ‘it’ anymore.

I saw my counselor this morning. We talked about my parents and their lack of compassion. I told him about her not asking about my dr appointment but sending me a picture of her dog. He said and his exact words were, “they don’t fucking care” and he said this more than once. He said that we need to work on me facing reality with it. I honestly believe I have but because of the hormones, it’s harder for me to handle. He said that my parents are selfish and they don’t care. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but I can promise my daughter will have a very loving, attentive Mother to be there for her. I don’t want my child growing up like I did. I grew up not feeling loved and my parents really didn’t spend quality time with me.

Things feel great right now. I am so glad to know I’m having my little girl I’ve always prayed for. No one really knows other than my 3 girl friends and my counselor. No one else matters and most of them don’t care anyway. I have people at work that ask but after all the drama that’s happened, I don’t plan to tell them. I want my private life to stay just that. PRIVATE. They don’t deserve to know.

I work in a while but I’m probably going to leave here a little early because even though I got pacifiers, I want to get some more. The ones like the hospital gives you. I want to have quite a few because it’s always nice to make sure to have plenty.

Seriously, I feel like I’m walking on sunshine. I honestly couldn’t be happier. I am so glad I’m going to be raising a little girl. I feel like it’s going to be so much easier to parent a girl because I am one. I don’t know enough about boy stuff. I feel like the luckiest lady ever.

Time to get ready to go.