A few more thoughts. in Since OD is shutting down....

I got tacos for supper, took a bath, and talked to my friend on the phone. She brought up a really good point that I forgot about. I was talking about how I have plenty of information on him and his whereabouts so child support will have no problem finding him and she said there shouldn’t be a problem unless he runs to the reservation. I don’t see him doing that because I know he wants a future and to do something with his life. I told her that because he gets food stamps, they already have his information and she reminded me of when he told me I was a piece of shit because I would need state health insurance for the baby but he gets food stamps?!

I honestly love his double standards. I also think it’s funny that all he’s done is talk shit to me since I told him I was pregnant and all he can fire back at me is I have shit job but he doesn’t even have a fucking driver’s license?! Like, is this guy for real? I love being judged by someone who’s not even close to having their own shit together. I don’t have the greatest job right now but there’s NOTHING stopping me from finding better either. I’m not stuck there by any means.

As much as I think I can’t do this and through all my anger and tears, I’ll be alright. I think the hormones, stress, being overwhelmed, and the Winter weather conditions is all taking its toll on me. I hate Winter, it’s my least favorite time of the year and being pregnant during it is the absolute worst. I would rather deal with it now instead of being pregnant all Summer because I heard how terrible that is. I’m fortunate to be due at the end of July. I know I’ll want to have baby a little sooner though because I know by the time I’m 8 months, I’m going to be fucking miserable.

So I haven’t heard from my Mother since the other day when I told her it’s bullshit that she isn’t there for me and today she sends me a picture of her fucking dog?! I wrote back and said it’s awesome how she can’t ask my my Dr appointment because she’s too worried about her dog and then of course she doesn’t answer!! I swear to God, she’s fucking retarded!!! The lack of concern or regard for me is absolutely disgusting! I was reading online about emotionally unavailable parents and mine seriously meet the fucking criteria to a fucking T!!!! It explains why I have always felt so unloved, unwanted, and have always struggled with relationships with men!

At this point in my life, if people aren’t even going to ask how I’m doing, I’d like for them to not contact me. I need positive, helpful people in my life, not people that just get ahold of me because their bored and have nothing better to do.

I have eye exam in the morning at 11 and Wednesday morning I have a nurse coming over to talk to me. I also have to fill out my paperwork for my landlord and schedule a time for them to come in and inspect. Yippee. I’m not thrilled about this but I have to get it done. I had an appointment 10 days ago that I missed so I need to call and schedule a time to do it tomorrow. I can’t keep putting it off because I don’t want to get in trouble.

More tomorrow.