184(2) in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

Well… a work day. A work day that… already feels a bit strange.

09:34
I forgot to call back Ranting&Sobbing yesterday. As little as I want to, I did say I’d call her back… so I should call her when the noise level dies down. Certainly not looking forward to that but I don’t want her to think we’re not taking her seriously.
Ultimately… I feel very ill-fit for my role on days like this. Allow me to demonstrate…
Case 1, 2, 3, and 4. All have the same requirements. I must write the report and make a motion to the court. But the report must be based on factual representations and reports as filed by the arresting officers. None of those reports have come in. None of them. So… I need to figure out which officers to contact and request that they send me those reports… and wait for them to send me those reports.
Case 5: Defendant is homeless. Assessing a fine is a pointless gesture. So, I’m trying to discover some way to get her on Probation so that she doesn’t have outstanding debt and we can have a disposition on the case. The law isn’t as flexible in some cases. So I’m waiting on her Defense Attorney to get back to me on my proposals (trying to determine what the law will allow).
Case 6: I phoned the officer yesterday. He said he would get me what I need “soon” but who knows when that is.
Case 7: Boss’ case that Ran doesn’t want to deal with. I was instructed to contact another Prosecutor to learn more.
Case 8: I’ve been waiting on a response from Defense Counsel for months. Should contact and harass for response but… certainly don’t feel confident in doing so.
Case 9: I’ve been waiting on a response from Defense Counsel for a month. Should contact and harass for response but… certainly don’t feel confident in doing so.
Case 10: Contact Deputy and demand discovery materials
Case 11: Contact Deputy and demand discovery materials
Case 12: Contact Deputy and demand discovery materials
Case 13: Work on Write Up for Deferring Case.

So… yeah… ultimately… that reads as follows…
8 cases where I need to call a Police Officer or Sheriff’s Deputy to request or demand things I should already have.
4 cases where I need to call an Attorney to hold their feet to the fire to get something done.
1 case where I am essentially waiting for Ran as we want to make our files more uniform.

But for some reason, a reason I honestly can’t articulate, I can’t quite seem to make myself do any of that. It is… frustrating to myself. Like the frustration one feels when combating their own mental disorder. I realize I need to do these things. I acknowledge that doing these things would create forward movement on things that need forward movement. And yet… as much as I try to convince myself, some unknown is still resisting. It is… maddeningly frustrating.

10:14
Phone call to Ranting&Sobbing.
She was super kind enough this time saying “When I had no one to talk to, you let me talk, so thank you.” That is good to hear. And (again) makes me wonder if I should be in this job. And, of course, whenever I think “Maybe this isn’t the job for me” the immediate internal response is “Then what would you do with your life? The only things you like to do are read, write, talk, watch movies/TV, and play video games.” I’d make a great college professor… teaching “Ethics” or “Philosophy” or “Media” or “Poetry”… but I can’t really see that happening.

(I’ve spent the time since that phone call until lunch catching up on Prosebox. I realize it is a horrendous “use” of time while at work but, frankly, sod it. I’ll check my mailbox during lunch to see if any of the reports have materialized and if not, I’ll spend my post lunch energy rush on trying to burn through all the phone calls on my list. It is funny. Technically, since my 13 cases boil down to 12 phone calls… it should go quickly. If only I were capable. That being said.... I’ve been overhearing Ran’s conversation with Jude today. IF he can get his ideas implemented… the world around here will be SO much better. Because… seriously… the way things work here: Police Arrest. We call them for Report. They get us report when they want to. We call them for Discovery. They get us discovery when they want to. The way things are supposed to work (how he wants): Police Arrest, they send us report. As they get discoverable material, they inform us. Gosh… isn’t that streamlined and professional?!)

11:15
Internet went down again. The internet is down. That.... that sucks. And is very frustrating. (1) because I was reading Prosebox. (2) because all court documents must be sent/received via e-mail. (3) because the internet runs everything in this office. Luckily… I can still finish reading Prosebox (just not noting). We’ll see if Internet is back after lunch!
Actually… as I think about things… I’ll announce (though it may matter VERY little)… I don’t often do the “Note without Words” because if I comment, I want to comment. Like… people took the time to write, I want them to know that if I commented, it was because I had a reaction to what they were writing. But as I have been behind and/or unable to comment… I THINK (though not totally convinced) that for a few days coming up… I may do the Note Without Words… just to let people know I’m reading/still reading. Not that it may matter to them but… from a similar perspective, I consider… they take the time to write, I want them to know that it is being read.

11:59
Internet comes back and tells me the Chargers are moving to L.A. GAH! I mean… I’m a Chargers Fan largely (perhaps silly) because of how much I loved San Diego! Moving to Los Angeles… honestly makes me kind of reconsider.

13:41
Had lunch, did errands for work, back at my desk. No, there were no reports for me at the Sheriff’s office. Meaning that there are 3 District Court Level Cases that have now been “open” for 3 weeks… but the officers see no reason to share their reports. I’ve said it before… but now that we have a new County Attorney, I’ll say it more. It is the Officer who is responsible for their job; I am responsible for my job. His job is to give me the information he collects; my job is to present that information to a court of law. Now… to the phone calls. :~
Which I really don’t want to do. And I honestly don’t know why. Seriously… what the fuck is wrong with me and phones? It’s like… everything is okay, I decide to make a phone call, reach for the phone and then… don’t follow through? It is bizarre and upsetting.

So… while waiting for Phone Calls and breaking through social anxiety which confounds me, I read some Cracked. And as the Millennial Conversation continues… more and more people add fuel to the fire from both sides. Millennials are pieces of shit. Millennials are saints. RATIONAL THOUGHT: Power transitions are difficult and they have gotten even MORE difficult of late. The Silent Generation is still around; The Baby Boomers are reaching retirement age; Generation X is expected to take the reins (when they free up); and Millennials are entering a world that takes every opportunity to say “You have massive debt and no job? YOU SUCK!” So… there are issues. With that, I leave you with this article from cracked.com. “You’re like a mechanic lecturing us on the importance of rotating our tires when we came to you with cut brake lines.”
(1) Phone Call To Officer Number 1: Owes me two reports. ME: Can you please get me those reports as soon as possible. HIM: Sure can do, no problem. ME: Thanks. END
And I want to bash my head against the wall. For two reasons. First, something so simple… why is it difficult for me to make those calls? Second, these officers KNOW I need the reports. They know I can’t do anything without these reports. WHY do I have to call and ask them to please get me the reports? JUST. GET ME. THE REPORTS!
(2) Phone Call to Officer Number 2: Owes me 1 report; 1 Discovery. ME: Just wanted to make sure we were rocking on that Report. (Why did I say rocking?!) HIM: Sure, not a problem. ME: K, also discovery on case X… anything I should know about? HIM: It is a simple case. He was driving, shouldn’t have been driving. ME: Okay. But if there are any videos or anything; just drop them in my box when you can and I’ll take care of the case soon. Thanks. END
Seriously… why am I like this? Why can’t I just… do my job? FUCK, I’m upset with myself.

15:30
One of the DHS employees pulled me into her office. Her boss had just informed her that, due to past relationship issues, the DHS employee was to have zero contact with the Board of Supervisors and/or The County Auditor. In effect, crippling the DHS office for this County due to “past relationship issues.” I listened, I encouraged, I supported. And it made me think… maybe I could do HR shit. Maybe a path to Des Moines is to work in HR. But then… I’ve applied to some of those jobs already so… super shrug. My family, religious in the way that they are, is still big on saying “As long as you are doing what you need to, God will move you when it is time to move you.” But seriously… I hear that kind of talk and flash to the parable of the Man and the Flood.
A large flood swallowed a city and survivors were sitting on their roofs waiting for help. The Faithful Man prayed that God would deliver him from this problem and knew God would come. The Coast Guard sent a rescue chopper and lowered a ladder to the man, and the man refused saying God would come. A neighbor with a speed boat attempted to take as many people out as possible, but The Faithful Man refused saying God would come. Finally, a man in a row boat came by and told the man to get in and he refused. God would come. As the waters continued to climb and the man succumbed to starvation and dehydration; he approached the pearly gates where God himself was waiting. “Why did you not come?” The Faithful Man asked. “I did come,” said the Lord, “I sent aid to you three times, and each time you refused.”

16:00
Three things begin in my mind all at once.
(1) An old orchestra song. The whole thing had a running theme and each time the theme changed to a different instrument it acted to remind the audience what each section brought. For instance, when the basses had the theme… it showcased that the low instrument, when playing the theme, could be beautiful… but when they were not playing the theme… the piece sounded more full. When the cellists (ME) played the theme, it sounded mournful and beautifully tragic… but when we played The Cello Part, the section could dance between mournful sounds and bright sounds. I won’t cover the whole piece… but it plays in my head. And makes me miss both playing and hearing. The “old” days where I could see the College Orchestra or the Des Moines Symphony. I didn’t take advantage of the Omaha Symphony… and I suppose I really should have.
(2) The Old Law School and Best Buy “weeknight.” Call a few friends/classmates/coworkers… head to a bar that was doing Karaoke or Trivia Night or Darts… and just… enjoy the company of friends/coworkers/classmates. ::sigh:: I could certainly use that these days.
(3) Fantasies long since dead. Old fantasies I had from before I was sexually active. Those thoughts of a night of passion… wild abandon, intimate moments… the absolute exploring of another person’s body and desires.

That is what pops into my head. Followed by the realization that I am tired. So very tired. How I still wish to simply spend an entire day in bed. If only.