A Friendship in Three Variations in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

Sunday night, my friend Kat and I went out. She just moved to the Sacramento area from San Jose about a month ago but hasn’t been out at all because she is new to the area. I had a lot of anxiety about going out with her, but I needn’t have worried because, although I haven’t spent a lot of time with Kat over the least four years that I’ve known her, we have an incredibly good vibe when we’re together. When we want to be crazy, we’re crazy, and if we want to be mellow, we’re pretty mellow.

It was just nice to go out with an adult and be an adult and avoid the kind of childish drama or nonsense chit-chat that seems to be the hallmark of my social life right now. The first place we went to, we ran into my friend Laura tending bar and who hooked us up with cocktails and then went with us to our next stop on the tour of downtown Sacramento. I’d known Laura since college, and she fit in well with our vibe. I love Kat because she was extremely appreciative of the fact that Laura was treating us, getting us free drinks, and trying to facilitate a fun night.

Not everyone is smart enough to be courteous to the one giving us the hook-up.

The next night, by contrast, I went to a bar that had been an old hang out of mine, and I ran into a bunch of the straight guys that I used to hang out with. I stopped hanging out with them simply because I was sick of it being the same old thing, banging women and doing cocaine, while I sat on the sidelines making little jokes about everything.

One of the guys was telling this stupid story about how he disapproved of one of his friends’ lifestyle choices and at Thanksgiving decided to confront him about it. So he punched him in the face at Thanksgiving dinner and told him to come outside so that they could “handle it like men”.

As I listened to this story, I started wondering what planet I was from? I mean, WHAT?! Everybody just sat there, enraptured at this ridiculous story about how he started a fight at a family holiday dinner… and not like a screaming match fight, an actual FIGHT. To me, that just seems completely ridiculous. I would never talk to that fucker again… but then I realized that that’s the way he thinks disputes should be handled.

Then he complained about how the guy was apparently still mad at him, because “men fight and get over it, but he’s holding a grudge like some stupid bitch”. I just thought, that’s not how ADULTS handle it… So, I won’t be talking to him again.

The next night was the Stevie Nicks concert and it was absolutely incredible. I rode with Sarah, who had tickets in a different area, we both decided to take an Uber to Sacramento. On the car ride there, she started telling me about her sister-in-law. This was the gal from the bachelorette party back in September who was my cohort in grabbing vodka and dildos. I like her.

Apparently she broke up with her fiance because she thinks he’s gay. I knew where this was going…

“You met him at the wedding, did you think was gay?”

I just made some dismissive comment about there being too many people at the wedding. So she countered with, “well, we only had about a hundred people there.”

“And I only had about a hundred vodkas that day.” She chuckled and continued to tell me more and more salacious details about the evidence that was mounting up against the one-time fiance. No matter how damning the pieces of the story, I couldn’t bring myself to make a judgement about someone else’s relationship. I’ve been with enough straight men to know that the journey through sexual identity is not straight and narrow (no pun intended) and can take a lifetime.

Here you see three different examples of the kind of friendships in which I have found myself here. The kind and mature relationship, the immature, boastful relationship, and the gossipy relationship. I loathe gossip almost as much as I hate immaturity in adult’s clothing. I guess there’s nothing to do but be mindful as to how I’m acting around other people, I mean, I’m sure I have my moments where I’m examples of all three, but I’d like to think I’m moving to a healthier way of living. At least, I’m trying not to bring something toxic into the lives of others.