So many of the times have gone by :( in Second 1st

It’s ok. It’s like I’m new to blogging all over again. I find I need the outlet. I have been away for more than a year. A lot can happen in a year and to be honest I feel I made 2016 my bitch.

I don’t know where to begin so I looked over my last blog, the most recent struggles in those blogs have receded and I guess I should attempt to update.

Family: Mom and Joshua are doing well. He seems to have speech issues still but you can generally work things out. Though the other day I babysat and he told me “You have trouble understanding” holding his head in his hands out of frustration. He was talking to me about a show I had never seen or heard of before so I had literally no understanding. lol Mom is starting to think about her next move. Literally. Her neighbors own the land her trailer sits on. They are like family so that’s no big deal but the realization that they are like family and not actual family means that when they pass the land will belong to their children. It’s a matter of preservation. She’s starting to think about buying a house, I’m glad for her. Dad and Scott are still dad and Scott. Lazy men, very lazy men.

Rocky: Rocky and I got married in April (18th actually) this year. It’s way passed time that that should have happened being as total we’ve been together like 10 years now. It was an awesome wedding my work friends still talk about from time to time. I was able to have an open bar after all :).

Work: Changes and changes .... currently we are on Christmas/New Years break and because I am still on weekend shift we don’t go back until the 6th. We have had changes and shift splits and currently William and I are on the same shift again. I also have a new work friend named Marco (he’s gay though) and for the most part all is well. We no longer mover from days to nights. Thank God. There was a plant wide poll where the verdict was a general “I don’t care what shift I get I just want it to stay one way, this moving around kills me”

Car: I am on my second lease. We get a new car each year, it’s honestly amazing. I’m paying 39 a week for a 2017 Versa, I’m considering a truck next year. We will see.

House: This is the most amazing thing. SO..... there was a thing… I’m sure I’ll get to it but … lets say this… we bought a house!!! November 8th we moved to Murfreesboro. We bought a 4 bedroom 2 bath home. gonna cost us 931.79 a month but I’m ready. I couldn’t keep doing that. I had had enough. This last month an a half have been amazing.

Let’s go from here. This is why I need to get back to blogging. There have been highs and lows this year and I’ve missed telling you about any of them. It hit me super hard this week when we stopped at Rocky’s mom’s house for a Christmas thing just days ago. We stayed awhile and had gone outside to take a few photos. When we were done Rocky and his adopted brother Sammy got in the house first and locked us out. They played with it too long and I was irrationally mad. I seriously hit Rocky with intention of hurting him. I am of the firm belief that my anger .... my emotions in general work like bottles that fill up and knock over when they are full. If I do not routinely dump them they get to be far to much to handle with rational thought. I know they were just playing. They were being kids, siblings.... but I was sooo angry. Irrationally angry. There was a point earlier in the year when I weighed myself and I weighed 296.4 and I wanted to kill myself. I cried at work telling a couple of people about it..... I’m doing better now but it should not have gotten that bad (the wanting to kill myself and the crying to work friends at work).

Rocky and i were playing Pokemon go and loved it. While the weight had been bothering me we were eating out far to often and walking parks.... we had gone to Huntsville and Nashville parks spending whole days (eating out 3 times) looking for certain Pokemon. I sat down and really thought about why I had gained so much, why was I so miserable. I decided it was eating out far too often. We ate out a lot because the house was disgusting and that couldn’t be helping. Stress of dealing with my dad, brother, and Rocky mimicking their sexist behaviors has just been too much and I’m an emotional eater. So, we quit Pokemon Go because I felt our priorities were all messed up. We needed a house. A place to cook and be, a place to call ours. OMG I love this house and we still aren’t all unpacked.

I’m not sure what else to say right now. I feel like I’ve been away far to long to just go over what I’ve done today and plan to do in the morning. It feels like enough for now. I’ll leave bits.