New number. in Since OD is shutting down....

Last night was more than I could handle with Eric. He’s just such a mean, argumentative person and I finally had enough. He loves to blame me for EVERYTHING, be just as nasty as possible, and say whatever it’s going to take to get a reaction. I finally told him I was going to call the cops and after he threatened to beat the shit out of me, I told him I had enough to get a restraining order. He still wouldn’t stop so I changed my phone number. I’m sorry he’s like this but I’m only human and have my limits.

He brought up the STD thing and kept saying he got tested but didn’t have anything and kept asking where I’d gotten it. I immediately get pissed off because I know without a doubt I got it from him but instead of him apologizing or being a man about it, it’s easier to put it all on me. I let him know that I got it taken care of and I wasn’t going to argue about it. Well, that must have pissed him off because then he started asking me who my child’s father is. I just started ignoring him and then he just kept blowing up my phone saying whatever nasty shit he could come up with until I was about to explode.

I have him blocked on Facebook and now have a new number. I won’t allow him into my life until I absolutely have to because I don’t need anymore issues to worry about. This is already super hard and stressful so I don’t need anyone adding insult to injury. I just can’t get over how he’s treated me when he helped this pregnancy happen and because I’m still at a slight risk of miscarry. What set him off is he asked me to marry him again and I declined because we don’t get along and then it provoked him to send a string of mean text messages all because he wasn’t getting his way.

The one I agree with him on is when he said we should’ve gotten to know each other instead of having sex all the time. I always wanted to but when he’d be mean, I’d just shut him out and keep living my life. I still don’t plan to have much to do with him unless it’s about setting up visitation so he can see his kid. If he continues to threaten and harass me once our child is born, all of this is going to end up a different way. I’m not going to put up with this shit for the rest of my life on top of working, paying bills, figuring out what I want for my life, and raising a child by myself. If he thinks he’s just going to make my life as difficult as possible because I don’t want to be with him than he has another thing coming.

I’m glad I work today because I need to get the fuck out of this apartment. I’m really sick of being here all the time if I’m not at work. I sit here and stare at these same 4 walls day in and day out and I gotta say, it’s wearing on me. I’m very angry that my family makes no effort at all but there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’d love to call and just start bawling but they aren’t going to change. They don’t want anything to do with anyone unless they are getting paid for it. It’s just a fucking joke that tends to make me super angry.

It’s just really sad that I don’t have much contact with anyone and if I do, it just makes me upset. I just don’t know what to do. I have counseling in a week and I’m hoping they’ll help me figure out some kind of social outlet. I just can’t continue on like this. I’m just getting more depressed by the day and tired of hiding that I’m okay when I feel like breaking.