Boring, in its way in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

Today, I woke up and shoveled the sidewalk. Then got into a blue blazer and khakis and went to work. Desk is a mess. Court was… quick. Didn’t know what I was doing but faked it well. It turns out we actually are likely going to get Ran for County Attorney instead of Ren. Ran is a better option as he has more experience and a far more social nature… but he has no plans of living or working within the county (at least as yet) so it really isn’t a super hooray for the County or I. And as my wife is sternly focused on us getting out of Sotoba before Summer (whether I have a job or not)… that could be very bad for the county!

I got back to my office and it was empty. DHS was gone. Building locked. Cecilia left a note that she was at the ER with her husband. Hoping her husband is well, obviously. But… another day of zero people. And… yeah. That specific condition has already begun hurting my marriage in ways that surprise me. My wife works at Wal Mart; where she still encounters people every once in a while. I work in an office where I am lucky to hear another human voice. At some point, my brain made a significant shift for survival. Instead of being driven absolutely insane by the silence, the emptiness, and the loneliness; my brain has learned to tolerate it. This is problematic when I return home and Wife wishes to talk at me for two hours. I used to be excellent in those situations. I enjoyed listening to people and socializing. But now… it makes me mad. Like… I find myself thinking “shut up shut up shut up”

And I don’t want to feel that way. So… I’m trying to deal with it. Because… if this place succeeds in making me a hermit… in fundamentally changing who I am? That. Would. SUCK! And it would be a gigantic rip off. I built/found a version of me I liked in Law School. If THAT version of me had a wife that could show affection… it would have been a dream. I don’t want to lose that version of me because of a shitty situation.

Anyway… the rest of my day is likely to be… well… fairly stupid in most respects. Clean my desk, organize my files, try to figure out what is going on around here. Not that it matters; but I figure someone should know what is happening in the County Attorney’s Office and that job falls squarely on my shoulders alone for the next few weeks.

After that… home. Ish. I don’t want to be the guy that says, “My wife has so much free time, I shouldn’t have to help around the house.” Because I’m not that guy! I don’t mind helping around the house when it feels like we’re working together to improve our lives. But lately… she’s been complaining a lot about boredom and not getting things done. She complains about her lack of will power and says that she’ll write a list of 10 things to do; do 4 of them, and then watch TV for the rest of the day. So… when she’s complaining about things like that and works less than 25 hours a week… yeah… I get a little miffed at the Honey Do List. And mine for tonight is already “a bit.” (1) Empty Dishwasher (2) Refill Dishwasher (3) Run Dishwasher if needed (4) Do laundry (5) Put laundry away (6) Wrap Christmas Presents (7) Redeem Recycling

And then if there is anytime left over, I can try to exercise or play video games. And/or keep looking for work. But… not surprisingly… that hasn’t been going great.

Oh… btw.... Holiday Conundrum for Wife…
She was on about this for about 3 hours straight last night… until 1am, in fact! Christmas approaches once again which puts my wife into quite a panic when it comes to scheduling. How it has often worked… Christmas Eve with my folks, Christmas Morning with my folks, Christmas Night with Her Folks, Boxing Day with Her Folks. But what happens most years… we get to my folks late on Christmas Eve… like 10/11 at night late. We get up early, enjoy presents and leave between 1 p.m. and 3 p.m. to drive to her folks. We arrive during the dinner hour and, despite assuring us every year they will open gifts after dinner, realize they opened gifts before dinner. Which greatly upsets my wife that the family will wait for all the cousins except her. Then we eat dinner and have long hours of awkward Zero Alcohol Allowed silence until we go to bed. The next day; we return to a Wife Family Member’s house and continue to have several hours of long awkward silences without alcohol or television. So every year; Wife says she would rather just spend the entire weekend with my family. And I say, I’m fine either way! And then she over analyzes literally every potential second of each of the three days. Out loud. To an insane extent. How she would rather spend the whole time with my family; but then she thinks her parents would feel bad; but her parents don’t make the family wait for us even though the other people make everybody wait for people; but then she worries her parents would think she was an alcoholic for spending it with a family that drinks; but… it goes on like this for forty five minutes straight… seemingly without a break between sentences. To which I say that I’ll back whatever decision she makes and (as always) do all the driving if needed so she doesn’t have to worry about that. This year I even told her that, if she really wanted to be at just my parents this year… she can say that it is the first Christmas without any grandparents for us as Pappy died this year and it would probably mean a lot to my dad to have us for as long as possible. She said it was a good idea; but did so in the way a teacher would dismiss a student. And honestly… she does this every year. I’ve given her examples of how my family has done it in the past… hell, my Uncle in St. Louis used to do a three year rotation… 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. One year he’d come up to be with his parents on the 4th; invite the family down to his for Thanksgiving; and spend Christmas with just his family. And then switch. But every year… it has to be this big dramatic freak out where she doesn’t know what to do and doesn’t like any of the choices and “it’s always such bullshit” and this whole big production… only to do what we do every year. Get to my parents’ late. Do XMas morning before a long drive. Get to a Church or Farm in the evening hours. Listen to Wife complain that, again, they didn’t wait for her to do presents. Eat a rushed, semi-silent meal. Watch the Cousin’s kids play. Go to sleep. Eat an awkward breakfast and/or lunch. Watch Kids of Cousins play. Leave as soon as Wife says we can.