D'ye ken Dan Brown with his hounds and his horns in the morning in Normal entries

You know how sometimes you are too busy to be sick? Like you know something is wrong you just don’t have the time or patience to deal with it or with a doctor, waiting room, appointments, and he’s going to tell you to do something you don’t want to. And so you tell yourself something that amounts to ignore it and it will go away, right eye balls ooze blood all the time and so what if you can only breathe through your right lung, that’s why you have two. Often I think that’s what being really smart means; articulate and varied in your rationalizations. And, ultimately, you’re always right, it’ll go away, of course among the myriad ways health issues go away is death. Just saying.

Oh, yikes, hold up; I’m not bleeding from my either eye and both lungs work fine, well, as fine as they did yesterday going back a ways. I’m not foreshadowing a personal illness (I mean I hope I’m not, not intentionaly) just using one of those fancy rhetorical devices like an analogy or as a methaphor or simile similar, you know, that thing you know but sometimes don’t get right.

The earth is like that. Sick and too busy to pay attention. America is one of the symptoms and we seem fine with slapping on an eye patch and snorting a vicks inhaler or … snorting things in general. Global warming is like Mild Cognitive Impairment, Anxiety or Schizophrenia; a word describing a bunch of symptoms so that there is a common language, unlike, say, bubonic plague which is a specific bacterial infection.

You know how I said smart was coming up with cool rationalizations? Um, yeah, one rationalization that, at best, makes you immature, at worst makes you the opposite of smart; No It Isn’t. I mean the panacea response to things you want to ignore especially hard, e.g. ‘Your arm is on fire’ ‘No it isn’t.’

I’m not saying ‘My arm has it’s own refraction of light waves, it’s like the aurora borealis, not fire’ makes you smart, it just sounds smarter than ‘No, it isn’t.’

Yeah, ok, enough of that, we don’t have time to ruin the planet, we’re busy, um, coughing up the world. You know how groups of things get cool names like a murder of crows, a gaggle of geese, an unkindness of ravens? Do we get to make up shit for stuff that didn’t exist when those group names were handed out? Like a FuckWad of smart phones? A snafu of malware? I’m sure y’all can come up with better ones, but I call dibs on having the idea of naming shit. Do try ever so not to haul out the carcass of PCism though, it makes a ‘Tard of Smartphones into A developmental Challenge of intellectually blessed communication devices (can’t denigrate tards, smartasses or phones — there was a tribe of Canadians whose name started with a P and ended with an E ((no, not the Pee, ey?)) Um, punctuation and …)

Dan Brown. I’m tired of bitching about his lack of writing skills or even questioning whether both he and his editors are even literate. Watching a movie based on his book one gets to skip over the lack of grace inherent in his club footed prose (PC — his diamond, heart and spade challenged foot American prose) straight to the problems with his basic plot. What the protagonist, Tom Hanks, does is find clues that have been available for over half a millennia to, well, everyone, ask an obvious question, and follow a trail of breadcrumbs that, again, has been around for at least five hundred years. It’s a little impressive that he speaks French, Italian, Latin and shit, but even the worst intelligence challenged French guy, Italian guy and Latin guy that can speak, speaks French, Italian and Latin fluently, and in France and Italy there seem to be buttloads of French and Italians and just about every motherfucker at the Vatican knows some Latin. I don’t know, even the movies … make Indiana Jones movies seem like documentaries, or at least more plausible and mysterious.

Ok, ignore it and it will go away, check. Fuckwad of cell phones, check. Dan Brown Bites, check. That should pretty much do it. Oh, yeah, and a house project I haven’t told you about for a year and a half has finally started; converting back porch to a MomRoom.