Ugh!!!!! in Since OD is shutting down....

So there’s a lot of new stress I’ve gotten to deal with, just today. I applied for Medicaid and Food Stamps and today I’m told I’m overbudget so I’ve had to reach out to my boss and get my manager’s phone number to let him know that I won’t be there tomorrow and I have to go down to 4 days a week. I’ve done the math and I’ll still be okay but I worry about boredom because it leads to loneliness. I’ve had my boss do another wage verification and see if I’ll be approved. I’m going to need Medicaid because I can’t afford EVERYTHING by myself!!

Another issue: cat litter box. Eric’s Mom is super concerned because it can cause me to miscarry so I’ve posted an ad about re-homing them. I don’t want to get rid of them but I don’t want to take the chance of losing my child and cats are known to suffocate babies because of the milk on their lips so it’s best to find them new homes. I’d really like them to go together but chances are, no one is going to take all 3.

I’m feeling really stressed and overwhelmed right now. I need to print out a form for my student loans to try and get something figured out so I can have one less bill every month, at least for awhile and it won’t fucking print! Everything just has to fucking work against me! I’ve taken full coverage off my 1 car so my insurance will go down, I turned off the cable, and I’m going to get some kind of help with the student loans so bills shouldn’t be too fucking terrible.

Eric spent the night Saturday night and was here all day yesterday. He told me his brother is willing to watch baby so I can go back to work (he’s leaving in less than a week for school) and then tells me today his brother will “think about it” and it’s like okay, well maybe y’all should have talked before saying anything to me?!!? I’m just already sick of feeling like I’m trying to figure all of this out on my own. I know that Eric wants to go back to school and get his degree but there’s gotten be another way so I don’t have to be without him for the next 6 months!!!

I was finally able to make an appointment with OBGYN and that will happen next Monday. They usually don’t see anyone until 10-12 weeks but they have one Dr that will see people before then. I’m 6 weeks and 1 day today. I crave spicy food everyday and Taco Bell has become my new best friend. I drink a shit ton of water, fruit and no longer smoke. I really miss smoking and today has been super stressful that if I had any, I would have smoked them. I am so glad to have stopped not only for my kid’s sake but I know if I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant, I wouldn’t have ever stopped.

I’m glad I’m off tomorrow too. I am really tired of having no support system already and it’s only going to get worse. I have a couple of friends that make effort but I wish I had more. Eric’s going to be gone so I need to find people to come over and hang out with me. I’m really frustrated because I’ve reached out to my brother several times and there’s just always an excuse or just no response. My family doesn’t even know and I don’t even know if I plan on telling them because they are just so detached and heartless.

This process would be so much easier if my family actually gave a fuck about me. I hope they understand that my life is going to be about my child so that means I won’t be helping them whatsoever. I won’t take away from my kid. I know once I tell them I’m pregnant, they are just going to be negative and of course won’t be supportive which is fine but I’m going to have a kid regardless of who’s happy for me or who isn’t.

Anyways, I’m going to watch tv. More later.