the overwhelming light in no longer wide-eyed and full

I’m thinking a lot about the places we live in and the places that become the backdrop of all the trivial and life-changing moments. One of my favorite places in the world is closing its doors at the end of the year and while it’s really just another tally on this shitty-ass year, I’m heartbroken that I won’t be able to revisit the quaint bookstore-meets-coffeeshop that lives in my memories so fondly.

I met Natalie for brunch in San Diego yesterday and driving into that San Diego skyline, I sighed. That’s my city, right there. How can I get back to it? I miss being in San Diego and I miss Natalie and I miss going to our favorite bar every weekend, like we were our very own Cheers. I know I’ll find another go-to bar in LA and strangers will become friends to fill my weekends and maybe, just maybe, LA will become home. But it’s hard to believe anything will replace the places and people you’ve come to hold so near. It’s hard to believe your life can be anything beyond this moment, but it wow, it can. It can stretch to unimaginable heights, just by the little choices, the little steps you take each day.

I’m thinking a lot about the enormity of existence lately and how overwhelming it is, generally. How every day, we have the opportunity to recreate our existence but most of the time, we remain idle in the choices we made long ago.