drunkorexia, again. in drunkorexia

well actually i'm not drunk. i'm sober. I haven't had a drink in almost a wk. um. it's 4:25 a.m. here [CO] atm on Wed.

I remember wwhen I couldn't even go a day. and I remember going 3 months and that was hell.

um but. I've relapsed. kindof. [I know how can you 'kindof' relapse?]. no I mean I have but not fully. I've been eating just. not as much. [clearly. and well that'll do it]. my main things are that my skin's gotten drier and i'm thinner. I haven't been dizzy or nauseous. I haven't been floaty more than twice. I haven't gotten any more cuts or bruises. um. i'm breathing ok.

yeah but. god my bones have gotten smaller. er. thin.ner. wwell they're small anyway since i'm small. I've been drinking milk. I need it. [well I needed it before. but I don't like milk and I was getting really tired of chai. which was what I was drinking. I don't like OJ either and some has calcium in it. yeah i'm not a big juice fan. god no wonder i'm anorexic]. and I don't take vitamins as of yet though I was back in Sept. [for the wrong reasons] and I was doing really well. you know, taking them, writing daily. like, in a notebook.

I've been colder but it hasn't been as cold thank god. [those 2 aren't mutually exclusive btw] since. it's not been as cold. now it's in the 40's which is a lot better. um yeah like I said the main thing was/were. er are, my bones. I lean against my radiator and they're not that comfortale [though. I don't think they're supposed to be] and I wonder if wwhat I feel is the radiator or my spine already fully knowing the answer just not paying much attention. I can feel my ribs, at times.

yeah. anorexia is not a comfortable disease.