from: jan. 2011 in My Days

‘31st

.......to the wind/secret diary of a call girl that’s what i was last night.

No. ok. I wasn’t a call girl. [though the idea’s always fascinated me and i’ve often wondered....] but at times I felt like one.

I seem to be doing that quite a bit, throwing caution to the wind. yeah i “should” care but i really don’t, for certain situations.

So took a cab to a hotel got there at midnight. i luckily had enough money to pay the cabbie. [there’s a word i’ve never used]. I called the guy I was going to meet up with. he didn’t pick up. I told the cabbie I’d be fine and went into the hotel.

where I waited for an hour. other than being really bored it wasn’t bad. I was sitting there thinking well, i could’ve gone up to his room and he could’ve done something i didn’t want/like, so. the weird[/interesting] thing was that in that time no one had wondered why i was there. guess i expected them to actually, you know. like, care or. something. i know that if i were at a hotel and saw a random 23 yr old woman i’d ask if she was ok and needed somewhere to stay. wouldn’t do it for a guy though. but maybe i just care and am a lot less self-absorbed than most. and, even if she seemed ok that’s not the point.

there’s not a whole lot of activity going on at midnight at hotels, apparently other than cleaning.

called Jacob. yes. i know. explained to him why we hadn’t been talking 2 out of the 3 reasons. he mademe feel like all i was was a ssex symbol and........when he’s drunk he’s not very nice. hell even if he was sober and not very nice i wouldn’t want to talk to him. i don’t want to be around people who aren’t nice. and he apologised but see. the things w/ apologies is that..........they don’t mean much to me. you can’t undo something you can’t unsay something.

so.......I went outside. because i was bored being inside. for a few minutes. tried to figure out how to get home. went back inside asked the front desk guy if he could give me the room # of the guy’s room telling him the guy was a friend of mine. which well he wasn’t. but i didn’t want him thinking i was atthe hotel to meet some random guy. which actually is precisely what i w as doing. but you know if you say someone’s a friend then it’s assumed you know the person. and ‘friend’ ‘s just a shorter word. he [front desk guy. i know they’re called ‘receptionists’ but that brings to mind images of a woman. what’sthe diff. between a receptionist and a concierge or are they the same thing?] told me he couldn’t to which i told him i understood, policy. [as in, i understood because it’s policy].

so then i left because i decided i better get out of there before they start asking more questions.

by that time it was between 1 and 2. a.m.

[oh and before i came back in to the hotel jacob and i hung up]

so i went into a lobby of a conference center across the street. it was nice. sat down. it was quieter than the hotel. and empty. i figured oh i’ll stay here untill 5 [when the buses start running again]. i got the feeling i probably wasn’t “supposed” to be there. but i do a few things i’m probably not “supposed” to. and?..........and i sure as hell wasn’t going to go walking around 16th st between 1 and 2 in the morning. i learned that from the last time i was “stranded” there. i may make mistakes i may not always make the right decisions and i may. be cute.

but i’m sure as hell not stupid.......i’m smart got a good head on my shoulders know whatsup.

I was thinking of going to Leela’s [a cafe which is open 24hrs thank god] but, like i said. not wandering around downtown at that hour.

So after a few minutes a senior citizen came from.........somewhere. he looked like he worked at the center. i told him my situation andthat i’m not sure there’s anything he could do. he was helpful however. told me the 15 [bus] was still running for another hour.

so I took that bus asked if they were going anywhere near Monaco or Leetsdale. [i live near those streets]. the driver told me he was going to Colfax and Monaco and that i really didn’t have much choice. well. really? no really? thank you captian obvious. coulda knocked me over w/ a feather. or. something.

well i could’ve told him that.

took the bus got off there. it’s just a straight shot down Monaco to my place. Colfax is 15th [somehow.] 1st is in front of Cherry Creek Mall. my point is that the streets are numbered.

so phoned the guy left a message. phoned Jacob to distract myself from being creeped out by all the trees and the grates. er. ‘grates’ no uhhhhhhhh......um................m..........lol. vent no.......drains*! that’s the word, drains. at that hour a few things are creepy.

I’d walked down Monaco before though not at that hour. I walked down it in June after PrideFest when the buses weren’t running on their usual schedule. so i knew how to get home.

got home 20 mins to 4,

it wasn’t bad just cold and a long way. but i sure as hell wasn’t going to stand there in the event some random dude came and......yeah. figure, the more ya keep movin the less likely that is to happen.’