from: nov. 2010 in My Days

‘’So.........Saturday night, as mentioned, I hung out at Kevin’s. When I got outside of my place I had trouble finding his car. When I found it there were about 6 other guys. I didn’t meet them by name. Kevin’s like ‘Anne this is everyone. everyone this is Anne’ and I go “hi everyone”.

It was pretty quiet on the drive up to Golden. I felt weird not asking them [the guys] the usual getting-to-know-you questions. right, women talk more than men do. apparently.

but it was fine.

I guess they’d had their day at the shooting range. not my thing. nor is fishing.

So we dropped them off at their places when we got to Mines. I felt like they didn’t expect much of me, but apparently they don’t expect much of anyone. my grandfather was like that.

Like, they didn’t expect me to talk or not. talk. to be happy. I could just be who I was.

that’s how it was with Michael....

a Katy Perry song came on the radio and I was happy for that moment.

*As we drove on the highway to our right downtown Denver stretched out before us miles away steel gray. it was beautiful but not in that lovely way. it was during sunrise my favorite time of day ever since I was 15.

When we dropped some of the guys off we then listened to this weird rap. I’m like, “this is weird. I listen to Emilie Autumn and I’m saying this is weird?” as she’s pretty weird herself. she’s amazing.

Kevin asked him if he wanted to come to the play and then out drinking, which he didn’t while I looked around quietly. He had a collection of beer bottles on his. er. the upper shelf of his kitchen.

Apparently up at Mines people don’t lock their doors, you can just walk right in. it’s like New York.

So we didn’t end up going out to drink. which was fine, as I didn’t have drink money which I’d FB-ed Kevin about. I hate expecting people to buy me drinks. I have this $5 rule; if it’s [whatever’s bought] more than $5 I’ll pay you back/I expect you to pay me back.

Went back to Kevin’s for a bit then to the play. On the way up the stairs to either his or David’s it smelled like food and I go, “omygod it smells like food. where’s the food?” “I was gonna say.....have you had dinner?” asks Kevin. um. no.

At Kevin’s I ate some pumpkin seeds he’d overcooked. they were pretty damn chewy.

drove to the auditorium. We bought a ticket, I flirted a bit w/ the ticket taker [who I later found out Kevin hates. and was his former roommate]. someone said “there’r a lot of ones here.” Kevin; “strip club tonight.” ticket dude, “I don’t need to go to a strip club.”, and I’m “not if you got a girlfriend.”

I almost forgot to get my ticket. I’ll do things like that.

The play was boring, funny. not great. well. it wasn’t horrible. It was a murder mystery-comedy.

I’d gone because 1; I had nothing to do that night, 2; I like plays and 3; Kevin’d told me his friend was in it.

I guess by ‘friend’ he meant former roommate. ‘Friend’ implies you actually like the person.

*Kevin sat on the aisle of the left side of the auditorium. My mom always sits on the aisle.

*During the play I had an anxiety attack. 1- 10 it was a 4. We got to the door that goes outside and I’m like “there are too many people/I can’t deal w/ people.” “what?” “I.....”.

I’m not that great at verbalising what I’m going through.

oh and the tickets were $3, so.

part 2 comin up! ‘

‘‘9th

So we drove back to Kevin’s. his dad called. about what I’m not sure.

We hung out on his couch, watched YouTube videos. He attempted to teach me to waltz which I’m apparently horrible at. Which. I find hilarious. [don’t read too much into this. and. I explained this in a previous entry].

Watched American Dad. his roomate went somewhere I don’t know where. After awhile I leaned against Kevin w/ my legs stretched out in front of me on the sofa....er....arm. He was sitting. I was under one of his blankets.

He moved some of the stuff that was on their coffee table so I could see.

[he’s sweet].

Oh I tried this lemonade-vodka mix. I liked it. It was in this huge blue Nalgene bottle.

Apparently raspberry vodka’s the cheapest vodka you can buy. It smellsa lot better than it tastes, as I realise while watching The Runaways awhile back. i really like that movie. If you mix it with cranberry juice you can actually stand it.

After awhile we went into his room as his roommate was coming back soon and I didn’t want to be there with Kevin in his room. That would’ve been awkward, A and I don’t trust his roommate. who I barely know and seems like a cool guy but......I don’t really trust anyone, apparently as evidenced very early the next morning.

And Kevin’s room door locks, so.

I was a little nervous about being alone in his room w/ him.......and as usual I was overthinking that. just because we slept together doesn’t mean we had to. you know. “sleep together”. [by which Imean have sex. although apparently he wants to. but more on that later].

I’d missed that, the company of men. well, a man. I’d missed feeling protected,,,,,,,safe, warm. comfortable.

[As I’m stating this back in the living room Kevin goes “ya know. My door’s still unlocked”. thanks hun. that’s....that’s helpful].

So in his bed we cuddled, watched tv. a movie, which was funny but weird. He realised what a flirt I was. well um yeah. And I didn’t want us to be on his bed and not be near each other.

And if you don’t want me to do that then don’t invite me in your room.

When he was climbing over me to get the remote [his bed’s against the wall and that was the side he was on, so] I was like “whoa” ok um. wow.

yeah.......it was really hot. [as is he. omygod].

I just like to know what’s going on.

‘So, Sunday [day before yesterday] I woke up at 11 and then again at 12. I didn’t know if Kevin was awake so I stayed quiet. When he awoke he said ‘good morning’. I’m, ‘hi’. I never say ‘good morning’ unless it actually is. We made out. oh and yeah. I undressed halfway and…more stuff happened. [not putting the details because it’s very adult content].

Well rather he did stuff. and as did he. [undressed that is. halfway. omygod he is hot].

And we did all this because......earlier that morning he’d asked if I wanted to be FWBs and I did, so. he doesn’t have time for a full blown relationship.

It’s funny; I know Iwent to sleepcuz I woke up [and obviously in order to wake up you have to go to sleep first] but I don’t remember dreaming at all.

He asked me if I wanted breakfast. I asked what he had. cereal which I don’t eat. so I didn’t have breakfast.

We got dressed, he left. [not as in up and left. I don’t think he’d do that. he went into the living room].

I got dressed. He came back in, I told him I needed a moment. he left, to give me time.

I went into the living room, got my stuff. we drove back to my place. Dido’s ‘thank you’ came on the radio and I teared up. I didn’t say much on the way back.

Oh, earlier that morning when he was asleep I was crying. He evidently doen’t know what to do when people cry. he just held me which was perfect. it worked. I told him this.

He asked me if I wanted breakfast. I asked what he had. cereal which I don’t eat. so I didn’t have breakfast.

We got dressed, he left. [not as in up and left. I don’t think he’d do that. he went into the living room].

I got dressed. He came back in, I told him I needed a moment. he left, to give me time.

I went into the living room, got my stuff. we drove back to my place. Dido’s ‘thank you’ came on the radio and I teared up. I didn’t say much on the way back.

Oh, earlier that morning when he was asleep I was crying. He evidently doen’t know what to do when people cry. he just held me which was perfect. it worked. I told him this.