Saturday Moring in New Diary

I woke up yesterday feeling kind of grumpy. But my overall mood was fine. My worker came yesterday. She fixed a nice breakfast. This time she cleaned up the kitchen properly and didn’t leave a mess .I did a lot of reading while she cleaned my apartment. Even my mood improved somewhat after having a good breakfast.

Then it all went south. I think I got a bad case of the end of the month blues. I am broke. No matter how hard I try I just cannot make my check last all month. I think I was feeling bad because I was supposed to start saving money for an eye exam next year I set aside $20 from my Social Security check. But something came up and I had to spend it. I was definitely bummed out about this.

I have cataracts in both eyes. They want me to have an eye exam every year to monitor my eyesight. Cost of the eye exam will have to come out of my pocket because the insurance will not cover it. Case manager wanted me to start saving money for my next exam. I tried to set money aside in October for it but failed to do so I was thinking about this and I got very very depressed.

I felt bad. I was telling myself what am I going to do when it is time for my next eye exam and I have no money to pay for it. I will be in fine mess I said to myself. ^Thinking about this got me to thinking about budgets for November. I was working on another budget for November yesterday morning. ‘

Once again this is how it looks for November : SSI check of $94 on the first . I will spend $3.18 reload feel . This will leave me with $90.82 I plan on loading $33 on my debit card. I will be left with $57.82 I set aside $30 to spend at Wal Mart. I will be left with $27.62. Then subs at Fox’s for $22 will leave me with $5.82

Then on the 3rd I get my Social Security check of $659 I will leave $150 in the bank for Comcast and get a money order of $216.75 for rent. I will have $292.25 left. Then it is $150 for food and $38 for cigars. I will have $104.25 Out of this comes $10 for meds, $10 for laundry $10 to Doug for taking me to Walmart That will leave me with $74.25 I plan on spending $40 at Dollar General and put $20 in savings. I should have $14.25 left. Combined with the $5.82 I should have $20.07 free and clear.

It looks good on paper but it never works out in real life. Anyways I was thinking about this and thinking about finances always get me depressed. It seems I go through the same thing every month. I can never make my check last all month and being broke at the end of the month always depresses me. I tell myself I am going to do better but by the middle of the month I am broke. Same thing happens to me every month

I tell myself I have food to eat I have cigars I have meds. I have everything I need. But I do not have money. It would be nice if I can start saving money

Oh well the first is next Tuesday. I will be getting my check. It will be nice having some cash even for a little while. Then I will go out and spend it and it will be gone. Happens to me all the time.