Dr appt, work today. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s going to be so hard going to work after having the past 3 days off. It’s been super nice because I’ve slept a lot, laid around, and got the house cleaned up. I have to leave soon to clean out the car and go to the Dr because I have to see them before I can get more blood pressure medication. I’m probably gonna get my flu shot too which sucks because it makes my arm super sore but at least I’ll have it over with so I don’t have to worry about it.

I had to get milk and garbage bags earlier. Ugh, I just can’t believe how tired I’ve been the past couple of days and it’s been awesome to just be home to rest. I really needed it. I paid all my bills and I’m hoping I’ll make a good amount of money this week so I can put it back in the bank. I am so tired of this adult thing. God. It gets so fucking tired!!

Eric had brought up him moving in and there’s no way in hell that would ever happen. I am just in no position to have another person living with me and because he doesn’t have a car, he would make me drive him everywhere and I’m not signing myself up for that bullshit. I’ve been used and fucked over enough that now I honestly just to want to worry about rebuilding my bank account and paying off my credit card. I let him know that every time I’ve ever had someone living with me it ends the same way so I’m going to stop it before it starts.

So when I went to see my friend and her family, my old roommate and I have a mutual friend that lives there and she acted like she wanted to see me but made no effort to do so for the 2 and a half days I was there. She posted on Facebook yesterday saying she wanted to come this weekend for Halloween and was looking for someone to stay with. I of course stayed silent because again, this girl made no effort with me when I was in her town last weekend and because when she was here a few months ago, her and my roommate went and hung out for 3 hours and didn’t even think to invite me. It bothers me because I know if she does come, her and him will hang out and there’s not a damn thing I can say because they’ll just make me look insane. I just want to know why no one makes effort with me unless they a fuckin benefiting from it?!?!

It’s saddening to know that most of the people I’ve ever known have just been out to use me and I’m better off just staying in my own little bubble. People have made me glad that I’m by myself, honestly. I stay by myself for a long time and then someone comes along and I do too much, they take advantage and then things end badly. I don’t know how to break this cycle so I just do my own thing. It honestly feels good to not be attached to anyone to be chasing people who don’t care about me anyway.

I hope that it isn’t always like this though. I do hope to find even one good person somewhere down the line. I just want to know that everything I’ve been through is for a reason, a good reason. I definitely don’t want to be alone forever, but I don’t want to be around people that are just out for themselves either.

Anyways, I must start getting ready to go. I work day shifts the next 3 days so I’m not sure when I’ll be able to write again.