withdrawl or something like it. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

i had another entry typedup but then PB went down right when i finished the entry and it didn’t save the entry and i don’t feel like repeating myself right now so. anyway here we are.

anyway yes. withdrawl or something like it. you know like life or something like it. where is that from btw?

i. might be going through withdrawl. I haven’t stopped drinking since the 14th. well i haven’t been super drunk and I only have shooters and 4. but this is more than i’ve had to drink in.5 months short of a yr so.and i mean consecutively. and i don’t think it’s a hangover cause that would’ve been done by now. at first it was w/ the dizziness ad the nauseau and this awful headache I had last night which is why I went to sleep early. like i didn’t feel good and that was one of the few things that would actually help. the sleeping.
like it’s starting to feel like an addiction again. before it was like i need a drink but it wasn’t ‘ok if i don’t get a drink soon .......’ kindof thing. like w/ smokers. when they need a damn cigerette that level of agitation. and I’ve had that cause I smoked for a short period of time 2, 3 yrs. ago. i’d smoke at the river actually. and then my mom found me well i don’t know that she saw me smoking and now.i don’t go to the river cause i’m paranoid.and so i also don’t smoke. I don’t smoke cigs at my park which is probably good. it doesn’t feel right to smoke.there. like ‘awww it’s such a nice park’ and nothing terrible has happened there. um.
right. so I feel somewhat like a beached whale and I haven’t felt like this in.i don’t even remember how long it’s been. but that’s how I’d feel when i’d go through withdrawl. but it’s not to that level. so probably a small amount. and the cravings are worse.
on Sun. it didn’t bother me cause I was doing stuff. but then yesterday it hit me. and when i’m sober.as in when there’s still alcohol in my system but i’m not drinking at the moment. I’m more emotional but in a different way. people think it’s bad when i’m drunk well they don’t want to see me sober. sure i’ll be fine long as i keep drinking. which in the end for some people is what um ends up working against them. and that’s the problem w/ physical addictions is your body physically needs it.and it’s terrible. and also. yes and that’s how i got here. to the point of i’ll be fine long as i keep drinking.is i did keep drinking.heavily for 2 yrs. and here i am again only it’s not.......that..........heavy. not how much i’m drinking anyway but the other stuff is. when people say i’m small they forget to factor in the rapes. and the deaths. actually that’s paraphrasing a line infrom ‘wintergirls’. emotional stuff weighs a lot. psychological stuff weighs a lot.
well either way. I talked to AJ about it and he was helpful in that he listened. i figure if i feel this bad. then i should tell someone even just to tell them. just to get it out. which is the reason i typed up this entry. is to get it out.

so i won’t be drinking untill maybe thurs. night. i’m not looking forward to not drinking. me drinking isn’t good either. if.this is what it leads to. it really just depends on how much and all that.