um ok. apparently i missed something. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

this hangover stuff is.evident. yeah wow. i’m a bit hungover right now.

so about an hr. ago the lady knocks on my door. and asks me when i’m going to shower. and I told her at 10 and that we’d talked about this at the meeting. i put it in a way that was ‘remember we talked about this at the meetng?’ and not ‘go away’. and she’s like ‘yeah but your mom said that would be too late’. I’m not denying that my mom said that but right now i have no memory of that. I do remember us saying that the lady’s husband’s schedule had changed and so he goes to bed at 8 and not 7. and that i’m really quiet. and to me those 2 put together means it’s ok to shower at 10. i’m not exactly a loud person least of all not in the bathroom. but evidently that’s not ok? see the only reason the time even matters is she has to document it. right i know but sometimes I don’t really care.like now which is the reason I haven’t said a whole lot to her about this well a reason.

so if it was an issue and they knew that at the meeting. then they should’ve you know stated that. i can go back to the way things were in fact i liked the way things were. cause nothing had changed. and well ok so there was friction it just wasn’t as evident as it is now. like i can shower at 7:10 that’s not an issue. but the reason i chose 10 was bc i’m already ready for bed at that time vs. showering and then getting ready. [and no i’m not going to get ready that early]. so at 10 it doesn’t take me as much time and i like that. sorry but I need v. clear instructions on what’s happening regarding things like this.on schedule changes. and a part of that’s my rigidity. and the other part is otherwise i’m going to think it’s ok when it might not be. like ok w/ confidentiality. w/ my friends if they tell me something personal. or well anyone really. not friends cause if it’s something that personal regarding a friend the most i’ll do is blog about it. if i’m not told to keep iit private. then i’ll like blog about it. [except for what evan told me about the horrible thing. i haven’t blogged about that]. like evidently i wasn’t supposed to tell my mom last yr. that jennifer was visiting her mom in az over the holidays. but i didn’t know i wasn’t supposed to prior to being told. and that’s what i’m talking about.

see the impression I was under.was that she’d give me 2 wks. to think about it and then i’d be the one getting back to her on it. not she was going to ask me about it over the course of those 2 wks. but apparently that’s not happening. and apparently i missed something. and again the only reason it even matters is cause she has to document it. if she puts down i didn’t do it. ok not a big issue for me right now. cause i’m not letting it be. she puts down i didn’t do it ok not like my world will end.or w/e. that really isn’t my biggest problem right now no my personal stuff is. [and by ‘personal stuff’ i mean things like drinking]. or ptsd. or depression. so.we just have different priorities is all. which really there’s nothing wrong w/ it just makes it hard.

so getting back to my point. at the end of those 2 wks. right bc it hadn’t been established that that wasn’t happening! so therefore.i didn’t know any other way. and if she was going to ask me about the schedule then she should’ve warned me about that in between the meeting and the next Mon. otherwise i’ll think she isn’t.and i don’t like surprises.

I thought. she was going to give me time to get used to things which would take 2 wks. [ok so maybe not that long i just wanted 2 wks. let’s just be honest] and then after that she’d bring it up. but certainly not during. no cause of my rigidity. and also i didn’t know she had other plans sure surprised me. [i realise of course that during those 2 wks. it’s documented i haven’t done it. right well ok]. [yes but if i was allowed to document it then this might not be a problem. i don’t know if i’m allowed to though so. yes but that’s like telling her not to be involved. it’s telling her not to do her job. yes exactly it is telling her that. i’ve never liked that they’re involved. i only care that i have a place to live. but again. right now this is as good as it gets so. or it was before things changed. i should’ve realised that this would be the same when i moved but i didn’t].

so then it’s her fault? well.........maybe.a little. it’s also mine for not asking.right bc i already had a plan in mind. and i didn’t want anyone interrupting that.as usual. and i don’t ask. and.........high expectations.and........stuff.

so now there’s a new thing causing friction. see and again this is the reason i don’t like change. or rather this is what change does. but clearly she doesn’t have a problem rocking the boat in this regard whereas i do. as we know. [or maybe she does but i don’t want to think she does].

so yeah. this is where we are now.