yeah but maybe........on mentors. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

so yall remember how annoyed i was/am by valerie.and people wasting my time. and people um insulting my intelligence. well that’ll probably return.

right so as i mentioned valerie didn’t come yesterday.she’s coming today.probably.

uh so back when i was annoyed. I’m like I don’t actually need a mentor. bc w/ most things i don’t require assistance. [i don’t like the phrase ‘need help’ cause that’s patronising to me. like well i’m not 2 so no probably not. that’s why i never ask people if they need help w/ things only if they want it though i realise there’s a difference. anyway]. like i’m not in school so it’s not like she’s helping me w/ my nonexistant school life. and I’m not currently working so again.she’s not helping me w/ my nonexistant work life. and things for the most part are good at the house so.......... and to me that’s what a mentor helps w/ those kinds of things. otherwise they’re just kindof there. and since most of the time she is just kindof there i’m.not really getting much out of it.

I was thinking about it recently.when i was annoyed. and right now I want to see her ‘as needed’. except. if valerie didn’t come every wk. then the lady would ask questions and want to know the reason and that just.would be more trouble than it’s worth so. that’s the reason that hasn’t happened. and sometimes when valerie & I get together it is ‘as needed’. like if i wanted to go to Best Buy and look at printer prices [as much as i don’t like aliteration. hypothetically i mean. i have a printer]. We don’t talk that much about my psychological stuff cause of the confidentiality agreement. well also that’s stuff i talk about w/ my psych. [well i would hope so i mean that’s the point of them]. I could tell Mark or Lane or even evan [god it feels like it’s been awhile] about that stuff. cause i know they wouldn’t tell anyone. in fact a time when evan felt he should’ve he told me that and i said no and...........he didn’t tell anyone. when we talked about it i think he said it was cause he wanted me to trust him. and the horrible thing he’s told me about him.i haven’t told anyone [and certainly not anyone he’d know. no um i haven’t] i’ve only eluded to it.in that fashion.

but this isn’t about my trust issues.for once.

like if i have a question about something I’ll ask Mark or my mom or my sister. like if i have a question about drugs or rehab i’ll ask my sister. and that’s kindof what I want valerie to be. but i still um utilise her just.in a different way than a lot of people would utilise their mentors. [right so then what’s the problem?] well the problem.is her is valerie. or rather my problem w/ her.is she’s too nice. and I think that’s probably a reason I don’t want to see her as often. yeah my mom & I were talking about her recently and my mom goes ‘she’s really nice’ or something and i’m thinking ‘yeah that’s the problem’. and her [again i mean valerie] being too nice only serves to annoy me which doesn’t help me any.so. that’s not really doing anything for me. [well other than annoying me. that’s really the only purpose it serves].

and also. even though valerie’s my mentor she’s not working for me.no she’s working for my mom. so ya know it’s not my money.and that’s another part of it.

[and damnit now i feel better]