3:30? Really? in Every day scata

You would think that after the long day I had yesterday (which included taking a wrong turn on my way home from the nursing home that caused a panic attack) I would have slept through the night and hit the snooze twice. But nooooo. 3:30 I was up. I don’t know if it’s the fibro flare (thanks panic attack for stressing my body out) or the slight amount of mania I still have going on that made it impossible for me to get back to sleep. ::sigh:: And I gotta go to Client #2’s house today. ::sighs again::

OH! I got the job at the pharmacy. But it was total bullshit when the owner said he would pay “way more” than I made the last time. They initially offered me less. Fuckers. I seriously wanted to tell them off when they told me what they would pay me. I clenched my teeth and told them that it wouldn’t work. Woo hoo they bumped it up to what I was making before. Assholes. I need the money though. I’ll make myself invaluable and have them bow at my feet lol. “Business is slow”. Well no shit, sherlock! Your ineptitude made everyone jump ship! God! I don’t even know if I want to be associated with the mess they have going on there. I’m sure that I’m going to get yelled at by a lot of customers. Grr.

Now I have to shell out 100 bucks to get my damn licence reinstated. I honestly think that the employers should pay for this shit. The fact that I don’t have any fucking money to pay for the thing stresses me out.

Everything is stressing me out. Really, I’m having a hard time holding it together. Stupid things like taking a wrong turn are causing panic attacks when the real cause is the shitty time we’re having here.

It scares me. I’m not comfortable with the situation and it scares me.

Don’t tell anyone I said that, though. I can hear my dad telling me to get over it and deal. I loved that man to death, but when it came to showing any kind of emotional weakness he wasn’t having it.

One of the many reasons I’m fucked up mentally.

Don’t get me wrong. My life growing up was pretty idyllic compared to others. Sure, we had some money issues, but I wasn’t physically abused, I had food and clothes and a nice, haunted house (honest, it was haunted). But there were some skeletons (not the haunted kind) in the closets that no one ever saw.

Anyways.

I need to get dressed and seriously need more coffee.

See ya.