Wait, what? in Normal entries

I might have waited too long to process stuff from the wedding. Two different levels of adrenaline and joy, and then almost a week to deescalate. My doctors office had a wild hair too, so I had two days of sleep deprivation which kind of wipes out … everything.

I had been exercising daily for about six weeks prior to going, a total of six days driving and almost a week coming down and it pretty much wipes out everything too. When I started I lost about ten pounds in the first week. Losing weight wasn’t my goal except that it’s easier to haul around less weight. I found in the last week of my exercise regime I was gaining, up to about four pounds. I know, muscle weighs more than fat, but, not to be snarky or bring up your horrible childhood, What Weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of iron? Neither, they both weigh a pound. So, assuming I lost fat by converting it to muscle, it should have been a wash. I think what otherwise intelligent people mean by muscle weighs more than fat is that it’s denser. The first grade math trick question doesn’t account for how dense a pound of iron versus a pound of feathers are.

So I’ve been doing jack shit for almost a week and I’m down another six pounds. Go figure. If I could repeat the experiment and, also, say I feel great, I’ve got a best selling diet book (all I have to do is fill in the other two hundred pages with stuff that says; workout for six weeks, drive to Oregon get your daughter married, drive back to Michigan and lay about moaning with at least 48 hours of sleep deprivation. Perhaps suggestions for shit not to do and people besides Jack not to do it with?).

Christ I’m glad I haven’t dieted before. I mean of my own accord for the purpose of losing weight. I’ve fasted, either to cleanse or because of dental and/or tummy problems. Just about every time I’ve broken up with a girlfriend or a wife I become disinterested in food and lose weight. I think that’s a pretty common reaction to trauma. Exs always accuse me, and, I assume, the significant number of other people who do that, of having let oneself go during relationship and now that on the market again having gotten into shape. By the time that happens me and the others like me are still pissed enough and newly apathetic enough to agree instead of saying that it is a back handed compliment about suffering.

I don’t like the term on the market. It’s a cynical way of looking at love or sex or personal relationships and an optimistic way of looking at marriage or monogamy. Attraction doesn’t pause with the market or ones social availability. The way we act as individuals might, but not attraction. I have never been rejected because of my weight. I have not approached because of my relationship status. I have no idea whether or not that’s a good thing, I do know it’s much less complicated. I also know you better have some damn fine redeeming qualities for me not to think less of you for cheating — Um, I mean having a sexual relationship outside the partnership without the knowledge or approval of partner. Open relationships seem healthier, I mean healthier than lying, it’s 2016 the relationship might be doomed no matter what you do. If had to make the choice between fidelity and honesty as a moral value, I’d go with honesty every time. If real life, however, I’ve never cheated nor gotten approval, and I used to lie all the fucking time, sometimes just for sport. Nowadays my lies are very infrequent and exclusively for sport with every indication that I’m lying except for outright saying “I’m making this shit up”. Yeah, it’s not a moral discipline, my memory isn’t good enough to lie properly. But I will take any kudos for moral turpitude y’all wanna toss my way.

I guess I lie by omission sometimes, but, c’mon, you couldn’t have any kind of normal conversation if you had to list all the things the other person didn’t potentially know that might be significant to them. I think it only counts if it’s something like not telling someone mail that the person has been waiting on showed up (e.g. college admission, draft notice, STD test results). I don’t like delivering bad news, but, better me than, say, you. It’s a philosophy that’s guided many of the odder decisions I’ve made in my life, like enlisting, working for CSD, applying for a job as a cop (I know I haven’t told that story here, I will, I suppose, it gets better with age. I was accepted, I turned the job down. Scares me a bit that I passed the psychological, most municipalities like their cops a bit crazy. I was applying for Portland Public Schools. I didn’t know they state deputized; considerably more jurisdiction than the Portland cops, most of whom should have been kenneled.).

The cool thing about losing weight should be that you can celebrate with eating anything you want. Yeah, I do that anyhow. I was so impressed with a meal I had in Kearny Nebraska that I made sure to stop there on the way back. I usually drive until exhausted and then stop at whatever is most convenient.

On the way there I had this salmon on apple and bacon risotto. It’s hard to impress me with salmon. Salmon in Oregon is like Lobster in Maine; you take it for granted. On the way back there was some sort of convention at the hotel, I asked the clerk for restaurant opinions. I ignored his picks as the convention folks were following his directions. Something like University of Nebraska alumni. I went to this little Mexican restaurant in walking distance that had drawn me to Kearny in the first place the first time around. It was empty. Besides being a very friendly place their food was excellent. Next to my little taco cart in Clackamas I have never had street tacos as well done as Kearny Nebraska and I’ve spent a lot of time in LA, the second largest Mexican city on the planet. Ok, it’s hard to find a bad taco in LA, but Clackamas Oregon and Kearny Nebraska have the best. There’s something about border towns that takes away my appetite, I guess I just mean Juarez and Tijuana, places like Sualt Ste Marie and Calgary have good food. Juarez and Tijuana smell like New York; pee and more pee and wet dirt. Unlike New York you are more likely to catch peeing as a verb, outdoor pee-ers are more secretive in New York, the city, though Buffalo, for example, doesn’t smell great, it’s less pee-ey.

Wow, I’m way past done.