When It Rains in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

It rained for 10 hours yesterday. Seriously… it has just been… a dark, dreary world recently. Funny how the weather is mirroring the year for so many.

Speaking of, Iowa is seeing the Creepy Killer Clown trend hit. Surprised it didn’t happen sooner. When the world goes mad, usually those with easy access to Farm Chemicals and boredom are right there with the madness. One of the reasons why… I don’t need to be a super villain and my BFITWW doesn’t need to be Batman. We already have a host of Diabolical (potentially World Ending) Schemes in motion from legitimate Villainous Sources. Of course, that doesn’t stop me from wanting to become who I want to become. Which these days is a hybrid of Lex Luthor, Harvey Two Face, and Edward Nigma. Rich and Intelligent, skilled Lawyer with Issues, and a Genius with Issues.

Today, I have a busy day. Not in court (as far as I know). But I got a phone call last night that could potentially mean I’m going to be VERY busy coming up and I want to make sure I have every single tiny little thing I need to worry about taken care of. Because you see… I got a call about a job interview.

It is a private firm in Cedar Rapids that specializes in Divorce, Adoption, Juvenile Law, Family Law. The Senior Partner specifically mentioned that he was passionate about being a mentor. Cedar Rapids is the second largest city in the State in the second largest County in the state. It is a 45 minute drive to my BFITWW, an hour drive to my In Laws and 2 hours to my parents. Thus closer to almost everything Wife and I care about. It could be an amazing opportunity for me. The man who called said he had whittled down the applications to 4; and was now going to have the entire firm involved with interviewing the “Final 4.” Unfortunately, he wanted to interview on Friday… when I have hearings through most of the day. And it is a 3 hour drive to Cedar Rapids. So… he is supposed to call me back at some point to schedule. Fingers crossed.

BUT… of course… that means… (1) if I DON’T get the job… oh well, but I’ll still be crushed… because I have hope now. I haven’t felt this feeling of hope in too long. (2) if I DO get the job… oh boy, that will cause some interesting repercussions around. Cases that aren’t finished; the County Attorney retiring and then the Assistant resigning, the hassle of finding a house and then trying to back out of our contract on the rental house we have now.... could be messy.
BUT it would still be an amazing opportunity if it happened. I mean....
(1) Things are getting… much worse… around here politically. Sheriff is becoming more unhinged; Auditor is openly letting massive things lapse (because she isn’t running again so she doesn’t care); County Attorney is barely doing her job; and the Magistrate is an idiot to the point where she is breaking the law by doing her job so poorly.
(2) Wife, who hates shopping generally, was telling me how excited she was that we had scheduled a trip to go food shopping for Thursday night. And then she stopped and got a very sad face (that I agree with) on how terrible it is that she is getting excited to go shopping just because it takes us out of this county.
(3) There have been no appropriate or acceptable applicants for County Attorney… making it more and more likely that the board will require me to do the job “until someone can be found” which is just bullshit all over.
SO… as much of a mess as might be created… I am REALLY hoping this interview happens and goes well.

And then Magistrate Court today… had me losing my fucking mind.
An Initial Appearance, in a Magistrate Court of Law, is supposed to be the opportunity for the defendant to hear what the charges are, the possible penalties, and then that defendant can say “Guilty,” “Not Guilty,” or “No Contest.” In some circumstances, that defendant can then request a Government Provided lawyer. That is IT. That is all it is. There is nothing more after that. It is not the trial, it is not a hearing. No evidence shall be brought forth and no arguments shall be submitted.
IN EVERY COURTROOM I HAVE EVER BEEN IN Initial Appearances take less than 10 minutes a case. Because as soon as the defendant begins to “steer” the case, the Magistrate takes back the courtroom, decides that “uncooperative behavior requires a Not Guilty plea” and then the case is set for trial. This is done because a NOT GUILTY can always become a GUILTY later; a GUILTY is much harder to turn into a NOT GUILTY at a later date.
IN MAGISTRATE COURT today… an individual came in on a Drag Racing initial appearance charge. He began to argue that his ticket did not list the speed that he was going. The Magistrate told him it didn’t need to; and read him the statute. He said, “But there is no speed listed. There is no evidence as to why I was pulled over.” The Magistrate began chatting to him; getting his argument, hearing him out… so I intervened (holding my anger but being OVERTLY professional) saying “Your Honor, evidence on the case is a matter for trial. As this is the initial appearance, all that is required is for the defendant to plead Guilty, Not Guilty, or No Contest.” I think she understood what I meant because she sat back down in her chair and asked the guy what he wanted to plead finally. The defendant became angry and asked her what the penalty was going to be if he said Guilty. The Magistrate looked to me and asked what I thought should be done. To which I gave my best I’m a fucking professional you twat response of “Your honor, as there are no offers on the table at this time, I believe all that can be said to the defendant is the range for a simple misdemeanor.” She looked it up (even I know it by memory as it is $65-625) and informed the defendant. He pressed her and asked specifically what she would give him. She looked to me again and read the range again, but with a pained look on her face as though she were upset that I were present to make her DO THE JOB CORRECTLY! The defendant said, “I don’t want to go to jail, though.” To which the Magistrate (as she does with every defendant) said, “Oh, I don’t put people in jail in my court.” BITCH, I don’t care if it’s true… don’t tell them that! TELLING PEOPLE they won’t be put in jail means to most (if not all) that they won’t FACE ANY CONSEQUENCES FOR THEIR ILLEGAL ACTIVITY! Because even if they get fines… if the people stop paying on those fines, they go back before the magistrate who again DOESN’T PUT THEM IN JAIL so… what the ever loving fuck?! So… now knowing he won’t go to jail, and still not having given a plea, the guy asks what his fines would be again. After I’ve already instructed the judge as to what she is legally allowed to do. In front of the defendant. So the judge, stupidly and illegally, says “I’m inclined to fine you $150.” Fist:Desk. The guy starts trying to HAGGLE THE TICKET! By this point, I’m actually openly stating to the judge that this is an initial appearance; if the defendant requires so much time to think about his plea, he should plead Not Guilty so he has time to think about it between now and trial. (Like every other magistrate is supposed to do!). She decides against it; she wants to make sure the defendant has “an opportunity to consider his options.” He apologizes and repeats several times that he was extremely tired and “not thinking clearly”. WARNING: “NOT THINKING CLEARLY” IS STATUTORILY LANGUAGE SAYING HE CANNOT GIVE A VALID PLEA! All pleas must be given “freely, willingly, and voluntarily” which are all statutorily defined with distinction thereby requiring that the defendant give a plea while he is clear headed! Thus, by saying “not thinking clearly” the only plea the judge could legally accept was NOT GUILTY. Nope. The guy decides to plead guilty and the judge accepts it. Illegally. BTW… this Initial Appearance took 45 Minutes! A process which, at most, should take 15 minutes… and that is an outlier… took 45 minutes because the judge doesn’t know how to do her job and certainly doesn’t have enough self-respect to maintain control over her own damned courtroom!

So… I have no mentor… the court room here has no AV capabilities… the magistrate just makes up law for some reason… yeah. I have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to GET OUT OF HERE before this place completely tanks my legal career! Hell, it isn’t even about how bullshit this part of Iowa is outside of the professional angle anymore. It is entirely, now, about trying to preserve my professional reputation and LEARN THE JOB OF AN ATTORNEY. Fuck. That being said… haven’t heard back from the Interviewing Attorney yet. So before end of business today, I may give him a call back. Maybe he’ll see persistence as a good trait in a potential employee!

And… more fucking “This Place is Horseshit” for the pile. There was a filing date… due TODAY. I asked the Officer to send me his report so I could file by deadline. Hadn’t heard from him. At all. Okay… fuck. Ran into him today. Asked him what was up. He had already given those reports to my boss. Okay… confused, angry, concerned. My boss and I had actually had a conversation and exchanged information that this was to be MY CASE. Why hadn’t she delivered that paperwork to me, then? Checked the case on the Court System… she filed the paperwork. So… wait… you tell me it is my case , we have a discussion ABOUT IT being my case. And then… you file on the case because the Officer brought you the paperwork. Instead of… telling the officer to bring it to me?
HERE’S WHERE IT GETS WEIRD FOR ME
My boss has no problem telling a County Board of Supervisors “Oh, that’s the Assistant’s worry. Here’s his personal cell phone number!” No problem doing that. But getting me paperwork when I need it to file on a case? “Oh, I’ll just take it.” And not tell me? FUCK this useless, dementia-riddled woman. I know that’s cruel but seriously… she should have retired before her mind went this far away. Then, maybe, the County would have been able to hire a competent county attorney. Then… if I was hired, I could be trained. OR in the alternative, since this may need to happen now anyway, if she had retired before things were this bad with her; the County would realize that they haven’t the ability to fill her position and had a solution in place! Rargh!

For the third time today.... Depression turns to Rage when Hope gives you a way out. That which crushed your soul and brought despair, pummeling you with the hopelessness of a foul situation, turns to rage at how bad the situation is when there is hope of escape.

Last updated October 05, 2016