Sunday Morning in New Diary

I have been having a few good days. I have not been depressed. Usually I get down in the dumps at the end 0of the month This is not the case. I might be broke but I have everything I need. I have enough food, and coffee to hold me over I am not out of cigarettes. . I’m doing pretty good. The question is why am I not depressed. I think the answer is fairly simple-focus on the positive.

I think my biggest problem is my thinking irratiobnal thoughts., I tend to dwell on crap. I ruminate on the bad stuff from my past. I tend to dwell on the fact that I sm 65 and getting older. I had convinced myself that I do not have much longer to live and I’m headed for a nursing home. I was looking back on my life about all the mistakes I made and was thinking I am a loser a failure. Also I was thinking that everybody hates me because I used to be a crossdresser I noticed that whenever I start thinking about this shit I get very depressed very fast.

I have not been thinking along these lines. Therefore I have not been depressed. I remind myself that I am in good health I could be have a lot of good years left in me. I remind myself that I am not a loser or failure. I did earn an associates degree in accounting. I did work as VISTA volunteer for an adult literacy council. I did hold down a job for a very long time. All of these are successes something positive. Instead of dwelling on the negative I’ve been trying to think about the positive things I have done Think positive I cannot stress this enough.

Positive thinking and meds seem to be working. I keep reminding myself of all the good things in my life 1 I have a roof over my head. 2 I have insurance that pays for most of the cost of my meds 3 I have clothes to wear., 4 I have a wonderful fiancé in Chocolatechip 5 I am in fairly good physical health. 6 I have phone, internet and cable tv. 7 I have plenty of books to read 8 I have a worker that comes in fixes breakfast and cleans. 9 I am debt free 10 I have a wonderful support system in Healthways 11 I have an SSI check and social security

Life Is very good. There is no reason to be depressed