Dreams times three in Random Thoughts

After three nights of dark dreams where i thought i was the cause of death, i realized that was just my perception. I was not the cause, just attached in some way.

Dream #1, the saddest-
I get a fancy card in the mail, like the kind you receive for graduations, embossed and florid. In this card my ex, Mark (beloved and the one i thought i would have a child with about 8 years ago) was announcing that he was choosing assisted suicide and that i was, in part, the cause of this decision. I wailed and the building shook like an earthquake.

Dream #2, disjointed-
Somehow these two piece go together, but i miss what the connection is.
In my dreams and in my heart and in my soul i defy gravity a bit, twirling a few more times than in possible, light on my toes, leaping and soaring. I am at a sacred hot springs where there is this revered stack of flat, round river stones, so high in the sky and itself defying gravity. I leap from something to the top of this stack, but i miss the top and end up on a ledge, which would be a death sentence except that i have that special relationship with gravity. So, i am standing on the edge both feeling amazed that i am alive and thinking of how i am going to continue to live. In trying to not fall, i knock this revered stack of river rocks over, oh…so…slowly.
I am shunned by everyone and emotionally devastated. When i try to explain that i almost died, no one cares.
Flash to the second part.... I am in a room with a mother and her toddler. Only, the toddler is dead, but more like a zombie. The child does not know it is dead and is acting like a toddler would. She falls and hits the back of her head, splitting it open. I hand the mom a rag to help clean up, but we both know it will never heal. Somehow i know that i am the cause of this “living death” that has affected more more than just this small child.

Dream #3, scary-
For those who remember Twin Peaks (which i love!), this has some parallels. In a town people are being murdered and no one knows who the culprit is. I have a group of people over at my house, a log cabin. I go to close the door and feel human teeth bite me on the arm and instantly i know i’ve been marked to die. There is a blank spot in my memory and i find myself stirring the fire and see a pair of shoes in the fire. As i look around i see that everyone has gone and i realize i have killed them all.
Grappling with a ghost-like figure, or a dark spirit, i see an older man. I know he is the cause of the murders, that he must have taken over my body to perform the heinous crimes. Instead of fighting with him, trying to save myself, i open myself up. I repeat to him, “i do not like that you are doing, but I love you. I love you. I love you.”

sigh