Tuesday morning in New Diary

I got up early today. I had my morning coffee and do not fee so tired and sluggish this morning. I spent a lot of time reading in Creation of the American Republic 1776-1787 by Gordon S Wood. I am on the fourth chapter. I thought this would be an easy read but it not. I really have to concentrate then I forget what I jut read. Sometimes I have to go over the same chapter or section to or three times and I still cant remember. I guess the ability to remember diminishes as one turns 65 Grrr.

I feel pretty good today. Yesterday I hd a bad bout of depression. It came over me in the morning. I had a hard time shaking it. I used RBT rational behavior therapy which I learned through conceding It helped somewhat but I did feel very sad. t finally lifted somewhat towards noon.

I will never forget what I learned through therapy. They taught me how irrational thinking causes depression. I try to pay close attention to my thoughts at any given time I try to keep positive thoughts in my head. But I could be feeling good one minute and the next I’m down in the dumps. It doesn’t seem to matter what I’m thinking I still get so depressed. f It just hits me all of a sudden

Well I have psych doctor appointment today. It is at 9:45 I’m going to tell him what has been going on. I’m going to lay it all on the table. He might change my meds. He might put me on more meds. I don’t know what is going to happen. All I know is something has got to change.

I keep reminding myself about all the positive things in my life. 1 I have a roof over my head. 2 I have food to eat 3 I have clothes to wear 4 I have insurance that pay for most of the cost of my meds 5 I have a wonderful fiancé in Chocolatechip 6 I have phone, internet and cable tv. 7 I have plenty of books to read 8 I have a worker that coms in fixes breakfast and cleans. 9 I am in fairly good physical health. 10 I m not holed on alcohol or drugs. 11 I have a wonderful support system in Healthways 1`2 I am debt free everything I have is bought and paid for. 13 I have an SSI and Social Security Check.

Life is pretty damned good. I have nor reason to get depressed. But I do have serious bouts of depression I do not understand it.

10:13am I just got back from Healthways I didn’t have long to wait to see the doctor. He asked me ho I was doing. I told him not too good. I said I was getting depressed a lot I told him about the sudden mood change last Thursday. I also told him about being tired all the time. He asked me what I have been doing I said I read a lot, get on the computer and hang out with Chocolatechip. He aske3d if I get out and walk. I told him I can’t walk very well. He asked if I sleep good. I said I had one bad night where I cou8ldn’t sleep but most of the time I sleep. Hell I could sleep all the time. He asked if I eat good and I said yes.

I tried to stress that I have been very depressed. I was hoping he would change the meds. He wrote out a script. I asked if there were any changes. He said no changes. I left the office feeling a bit frustrated. I thought to myself I made a trip up to Healthways for nothing. I am more than a little bit bummed

Last updated September 20, 2016