Kind Of A Take 2 in meh...

I had an entry and then closed down the entire browser.

I made mention that I’m at my two week point for PMS. I’m exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. I got a reprieve from grandson because daughter, wherever she and boyfriend are sleeping, were able to have their respective children and made it a family night I guess.

I had birthday parties to go to, but I dared not go out. I think I spent most of my weekend wondering if I will say something to Rat Bastard, ignore him, or just punch him in the face on sight. I’m actually feeling real anxiety about that. He’s been hiding and real quiet. Umhm…because he knows he’s not right and he’s full of shit.

I alluded to the fact that my daughter didn’t have some stuff taken care of but I had to get baby back in school so I wrote a note.

I was trying to talk to my son yesterday, but didn’t quite know how to express what I was feeling. I still don’t, but will give it a try. With the way life has been upended right now, I’m frustrated. I don’t want to lean on my son as far as grandson is concerned, but at the same time what am I to do? He is the only person I can rely on right now and right now, I don’t want to rely on him. I’d rather grandson be able to be in daycare and my son not be hindered nor have to assume responsibility for a child he didn’t make. Yes, we are family and family does ban together to help out, but at the same time, we are the only family that seems to be bending over backward with my son taking on the brunt. I don’t really like that. It’s a given that there are things I can’t do because I am the one that has the main (only) income for the family (as paltry as the pay is) and actually the pay isn’t really paltry. Partly my bad money judgments, partly I have too many people to take care of on the money I have. At any rate, I see his frustration and I absolutely hate leaning on him. Any time I try to explain how and why I need his help it sounds like some horrible justification why he can’t just live his life. It makes me feel like a terrible mother because once again, I try to show my son he is loved and appreciated, but my daughter monopolizes my time and resources with her drama and issues and he once again seems to be left by the wayside. I don’t like this.

I sent this to him with an apology and saying that I’m sorry and it’s not okay. He sent a virtual hug and said just win the lottery.

I love my son so much.

I’m trying to figure out why, if tuition is $2,010 why am I being charged $2600+? If anything, I’m only supposed to owe $110 from the parking fine and my petition to graduate which I still haven’t filled out and mailed in.

I used my can of chipotle chilies in adobo sauce yesterday to make shredded chicken something. I made some white rice to go with it. It’s really good. My kitchen is once again a mess but it’s only got like 10 things in the sink and it looks like my kitchen just vomited. lol

Hey I laughed.

Football season is underway. I don’t ride for the Rams anymore, but can now openly cheer for the Vikings. They played Green Bay last night and won. My friend is like a staunch Green Bay fan and posted a picture of Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes fame) as a Packer pissing on the Vikings. She still says they suck until they win a super bowl. That was unfair. There was also no leaping at Lambeau like she likes to do. Even with Sam Bradford at the helm. I did not like that, but he came through I suppose.

My homework is complete.

Hope class lets out early tonight.

That’s all I have right now. :-)

Kindest regards,
Sister