Y'know, huh in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

Wow. I wasn’t planning on writing today. I was just going to read entries… maybe comment on a few… and get back to my day. But… wow.

Last night, when Wife got home she looked good and I realized it was the first time she had worn something besides blue for days. Now, she hasn’t worked all those days… hell, in the last 13 days, she’s only worked 3 of them. But even when she isn’t required to wear her Blue Wal Mart Shirts (which she claims to hate) she wears the exact same color blue sweatshirt. So yesterday seeing her in a white shirt was surprising. I’m just throwing that in there because it was noticeable.

But anyway… Wife is on her period (or the term she prefers, rag) so I’ve tried to be sensitive and not irritating. I’ve done a fairly good job of this so far. Last night, however, she is in no mood to interact. Comes home, throws things in the refrigerator, plops down on the sofa to play cell phone games. I try to interact to no avail and just shrug… that’s fine, I get it. She does interact with another question of when are we getting out of this place… and I answer honestly… it may take a while. Wayne County and Quaker County haven’t contacted me so it is likely I won’t be considered a viable candidate until (1) I have more than just 5 months experience and (2) there may be professional courtesy going on since my boss’ retirement is now public. I let her know that it may honestly take more than “a few months” and could stretch into “years.” She then shoots back with, “So what? We stay here until it we’re dead inside?” I just drop everything and let her get back to her cell phone games for the evening.

But as I’m getting ready to leave the living room, I tell her that since she doesn’t work tomorrow (today) we should take a walk when I get back from work. Get us out of the house, get us moving. To which she responds in a curt and cutting tone, “Yeah. Because you haven’t exercised in over a week.” Maybe I’m “too sensitive” but that upset me because a “lets spend time together and try to shake ourselves out of depression” was instantly turned into a “you don’t exercise to my expectations.” She sees that I have an expression and says, “What? You should be exercising more and need to eat better.” To which I respond, “You’re right. I shouldn’t skip lunch as frequently as I do.” She says, “And exercising? You gonna start doing that more often?” Trying to control how I respond (but still forcefully) I say, “Your constant ragging me about exercising makes me angry, so I’m ignoring that right now.”

About an hour later when she gets to bed (another thing I still need to change; even if she makes fun of me… I need to start getting to bed earlier)… I tell her that we need to do a better job of communicating in supportive and positive ways; we should do things together and make an active attempt at building each other up; we should talk more and spend time together. Her response? “Whatever, we’ll see how much of that you’re willing to follow through on in the morning.” Okay, I get that she’s “ragging” but damn, woman. If you’re depressed and hate it here… but (continually) claim there is nothing you can do for yourself and nothing you can do to get us out of here… wouldn’t it make sense to try to build up/lift up your husband instead of drag him down? If you’re hoping he can (1) keep his job, so that he can then (2) get a different job… why act like this?

So today when I got to work, I thought… y’know, I do have something to write about. Something that is bothering me that I want to just purge from my system so that I can focus on work. BUT I spend far too much time focusing on the negative anyway. I should just power through work and keep moving forward. But getting to work? Oh, of course.

Office Manager (lady who is running for Auditor) is in her office crying her eyes out. She’s been here for years and… this place is just wearing her down.
My secretary comes in and starts in on the complaining.
(1) We need the Board of Supervisors to approve my boss’ retirement; approve the request to make a full time position; and approve the request to open an office space for the potential next county attorney. They refuse to discuss any of that. So we need the boss to put it on the agenda to force a vote on those issues. She refuses because she doesn’t want to ‘ruffle any feathers.’ Cecilia (and I agree) is quick to point out… the Board hasn’t even accepted her Retirement Announcement. Ruffle some damned feathers, woman; because officially, you haven’t been “given permission” to leave or look for a replacement!
(2) Cecilia is hourly and not salary. Thus, she does not get accumulated vacation time. Any vacation she possesses must be used by the end of her “When Hired” year or it is gone forever. However, our boss (who doesn’t do collections and never has) is already upset at the contradicting principles of… Cecilia has trouble processing her ass load of cases without hitting overtime (overtime is a no no) but without doing overtime Cecilia isn’t “getting enough done”. So boss comes down on Cecilia for getting things done and then comes down on her when things don’t get done. THAT is enough complaint in its own; but it also means Cecilia never has time to take vacation. And now she has 12 business days until her “When Hired” year is up and she needs to take 5 vacation days. That was the complaint she was making.
(3) One of our perpetual drunks called this morning. She was required to sign a payment plan and send it to us 3 months ago; she did not. She was required to appear in court yesterday to explain why she didn’t send us a payment plan; she did no. She has court next week to testify against her abusive husband. She has court next month to answer for a Public Intoxication ticket; riding her bike with a BAC of .197. And, of course, she wanted to give Cecilia her long sob story of how she turns to drink to make her life better and doesn’t have money to pay any of her fines and… pretty much the exact same story we hear from 90% of the people with criminal fines. So Cecilia wanted to complain about that. And about how so many people in this county simply drink and get high to make this place tolerable.

So… yeah. Even though I was planning on not writing today, planning to try to just do my work, live my life and try to keep on keeping on until something better comes around… I’ve been at work for two hours and I’m already emotionally drained by all this bullshit. I realize that depression sets in fast in a place that has been dying so extremely for so long… I realize that the residents here are mostly shells of their former selves as they shuffle about the debris of a town they once took pride in… I understand why so many people around here are just toxic individuals. But… damn.