I... in meh...

I try.

All the time, I try.

I talk about my kids’ father, about how he’s been trying since the day I met him, but I guess we all try.

Last night was hard.

My ex finally came through as a dad as opposed to exacerbate the situation by name calling.

I didn’t say anything yesterday.

I hugged and held my crying daughter. I cried as well. She cried in her dad’s arms.

At the end of the day, the responsibility is on me.

My grandson, who I sent to my son’s room with him, eventually caught all the tears and the angry and he cried though he didn’t really understand what the tears were about. I comforted him he was cool.

There have been some lies told to justify the outcome.

Prayed last night and then me and grandson said a special prayer for his momma.

Sleep evaded until about 2:30. I drank bourbon and was late for work but I had to sleep. Haven’t been doing that well as of late.

Him doesn’t understand the question “Did you sleep well?” or “Did you sleep good?” Good sleep results in feeling great and well rested.

I had to leave work early.

Picked up grandson and after I cooked dinner, we did the Yoga Flex 10 Minute Trainer Tony Horton video. He was amazing. I was a-mess. He laughed at my stomach dangling and I laughed too.

That next door bastard decided to say hello to me when I was talking to my mother when I was outside. I walked off. I went and sat in my van and started it up to make sure it would. I talked to the male landlord who was there when I was there. I think for them it was more or less the occupancy thing but they seem highly concerned with the unit being condemned because there are too many people living there or because a utility gets shut off. I don’t get that. A unit is condemned when it is unlivable, dilapidated, falling a part.

Financial aid sent money back to the lenders after my class was dropped. They didn’t tell me that in the email. They said, “Talk to the business office.” I send the bursar/business office the same email I sent to Financial Aid. “They said talk to Financial Aid.” Dirty fuckers. So I verbally made contact with them and was told what to do rectify this.

I never knew exactly what stoic meant. I knew it had something to do with an expression of some sort or no. I looked up the meaning because a friend said that about me. And he was right. Then I thought about the lyrics to Uninvited. “Must be strangely exciting to watch the stoic squirm…” that’s torture. Because the stoic person is at a breaking point.

Yep.

I…am at a breaking point…

Kindest regards,
Sister