"THE FAG HAG 101: THE MOST FAQs (FREQUENTLY-ASKED QUESTIONS)" in "FROM THE WORDPLAY WARRIOR"

1. Why are you / do you want to be friends with LGBTQs?

First of all, why not? That question sounds the same as: “Why are you befriending an atheist/ why do you like wearing red?” We don’t know about you, but as long as they’re kind to us, then why can’t we all be friends to one another?

1. What’s it like being friends with them?

It’s just like being friends with everybody in the world. They’re people too.

1. Aren’t you disgusted even with the idea of a same-sex relationship and other non-hetero stuff?

We don’t even want to imagine what anyone else does in their bedroom with their partner(s)…or else. It’s none of our business and too much information. Unless they come to us covered in some sort of icky, alien goo…then, no.

1. Is it safe to be friends with LGBTQ people?

What do you mean ‘safe’? For the record, us girls travelling with our gay pals is much safer than with straight guys. But then again, nobody likes being judged nor stereotyped, right?

If you’re talking about lesbians trying to hit on us, please. Whoever does that to you and you’re not up for it, just say no. It’s just that simple.

1. What if they’re after your kids/nephews/nieces?

You know there are also straight paedophiles. Check out true tragic stories on the news about fathers raping their own daughters and uncles molesting their nieces. Whatever your sexual orientation is, if you’re after our kids/nephews/nieces, you’re asking for trouble. No exception!

1. Have you ever thought about trying to change them back to ‘normal’? Have you ever even tried to?

Honestly, sometimes that thought crosses our mind, but only because our gay pal is handsome and sweet to us. Even more if he treats us much better than any other straight guys we’ve ever dated or come across.

However, we’re also aware that it is not our place to do so. It’s not even yours, for whatever reason. Doing so would be risking our friendship and no, they’ve never done that to us. They love us for us.

1. But you know that what they do is against religion. You’re not supposed to be friends with them. That means defying your own religion.

Says who? You? Being kind to people who are kind to us is not against religion either. Good friends don’t always see eye-to-eye. It’s true that good friends should remind each other if you think they do something wrong - whatever it is.

Still, whatever they choose to do with their lives is not up to us. This is the same answer to the previous question.

1. Aren’t you afraid of going to hell because of this?

We’re more afraid of going to hell because of hurting people or offending them. Aren’t you?

Besides, none of us are really sure about whether we’ll be rewarded with heaven in the after life. It’s still up to God. We can only do our best by doing our part: being kind to one another. Hopefully.

1. So, that means you’re supporting the civil rights of LGBTQs, including their rights to be legally married. Imagine what an abomination it will be to our future generations.

You’re stuffing words into our mouths. The truth? Some of us do support them, while others just want to get along with people and mind their own businesses at the same time. You should try the latter; it’s easy.

Some of us are also closeted fag hags. Knowing how interfering and overbearing people like you can be, we don’t want harassment too. We don’t want you to come terroriZing our family, friends, and people we know by telling them that they should do something, ANYTHING, about us. With all due respect, please leave them alone.

If these answers still don’t satisfy you, then tough luck. We’ve got better things to do, and surely you too.

R.