Saturday morning in New Diary

My case manager came yesterday afternoon. We talked for about an hour. I told her what happened last Thursday morning. She asked me what triggered the depressive spell. I said I felt pretty good then I started thinking about how I turned 65 and was thinking my life is over. I said I was thinking that I was a failure. I told her my mood shifted real fast. I was doing ok one minute and the next I thought the world wto an end.

She reminded me that there are tools I can use to pull myself out of it. I told her I like to listen to music on You Tube. MY favorite artist on You tube is Celtic women. I have a whole playlist. These ladi3es always put me in a better mood. I also told her about how I keep a journal on Prosebox. She said that was a good thing. I showed her Thursday’s entries

She was impressed with what I wrote. She saw where in one paragraph I wrote about all the negative thoughts I was having. Then in the next paragraph I regfuted the thoughts with rational thoughts. I reminded myself that I have good things going on in my life. In my entry I wrote about how I focused on the positive thing. These were some of the tools I learned in therapy and she was impressed with how I wa using what I had learned

I also mentioned that I have been depressed for a long time now. A lot days it is realty very bad. She said that I had suffered from depression most of my life it I not going to go away. But there are tools I can use that will help me cope better ,.Then I have times when I am doing ok and something can happened that would trigger a sudden mood drop. Then I feel so tired and listless almost all the freaking time. I said dealing with this makes me even more depressed.

I asked her if she thought I might be bipolar. She said she was not qualified to make a and adjustment. I sked about seeing the doctor. I do not see him until next month. She asked me what I talk about when I do see hiom. I said when I saw him the last time I was feeling fine. I said that I told him that. She said that I need to tell him about the depression and the bad days. This was when I wanted to make an appoint6me44nt. We made one for October 20 I am going to go in and tell him exactly how I have been feeling. He might put me on more meds or change the dosage on more meds.

We talked about other things as well. I have been getting bills from the doctors office. I showed her the latest one. She called the doctor and informed them about the Apparently there is some screw up with Social Security. They have my birday down wrong This I one reason why my bills are not getting paid. We will have to go over to the Social Security office in Steubenville. We plan on doing this on Monday. morning.

I have been feeling pretty good since my last bout with depression. I keep reminding myself that I have a lot of positive things going on in my life. 1 I have a roof over my head. 2 I have clothes to wear 3 I have insurance that pays for most of my meds 4 I have a social security check and SSI check. 5 I have food to eat so I am not starving .6 I have phone, internet and cable tv even Wi-Fi. 7 I have wonderful fiancé in Chocolatechip. 8 I have a wonderful support system in Healthways. 9 I have a worker that comes in fixes breakfast and does light house cleaning. 10 I have plenty of books to read. 11 I am in good physical health

I have many blessings. Life does not seem so bad. In fact life is pretty good.

Last updated September 10, 2016