Monday morning in New Diary

I was up early today. Normally I spend the morning reading. But for some reason I haven’t been able to get into my new book. I just haven’t felt like reading. I wasted time this morning drinking coffee and playing computer games. Felt a little down today and anxiety was up because of that trip to Steubenville. Also been having dizzy spells in the morning. They were kind of bad this morning. I didn’t feel like going and almost cancelled.

But I got ready to go. I was ready for my appointment by 8;30, I went outside and sat in the smoking area. Chocolatechip came down Also th\at guy with the service dog came. He was talking to Chocolatechip. I tried to mke friends with the dog. I asked how old he was .The guy said six years. He seems like a nice friendly and gentle dog.

My case manager showed up on time. We went over to Steubenville. I asked if we could stop at the Dollar Store on the way back. She said yes. Social Security Office is at the mall . We got up there in to time. I had a long wait. But the girl at the desk was nice. She fixed the problem. I broght plenty of idd. MY state id card expired. I had to show her my Medicaid card and social security card. Also got proof of income statements for receritifcatiobn.

We 3went back to Weirton. We stopped at the dollar store on Main street I wasn’t feeling all that great. Been having a lot of dizzy spells. I got a few things dishwasher soap sos pads and coffee filters. We were supposed to stoip at the welfare office to get a food stamp print out I was too tired and made arrangement to do that on Friday morning.

Yesterday was a sad day for me It marked the 15th anniversary of 9/11, fI kept thinking about that day and all those people dying. It was on the news almost all day and I had it on CNN most of the day. I shouldn’t have watched it but felt compelled to out of remembrance. It made me very sad and that carried over to today. I am ok now.

I don’t think I was depressed I was just very sad. There is a big difference with sadness and depression. With depression it lingers and lingers. I just can’t “snap” out of a depressive episode. When I am in thi state I begin to think all kinds of crazy thoughts. When I get sad I just feel down in the dumps. I am not thinking crazy thoughts. I was just sad yesterday and this morning. It wasn’t depression. it was being sad.

I feel fine now.. I am not sad. Trip to Steubenville sort of wore me out a bit.. I am kind of tired. Seem Depression wise AI feel o;k. Besides I have lot to be thankful for. Life is going good.

1 I have a roof over my head. 2 I have insurance that pays for most of my meds 3 I have food to eat .4 I have clothes to wear. 5 I have plenty of books to read. 6 I am in fairly good physical health. 7 I am not hooked on alcohol or drugs. 8 I have phone, internet and cable tv. 9 I have an SSI and social security check. 10 I have a wonderful fiancé in Chocolatechip. 11 I have a great support system, in Healthways 12 I have a worker that comes in the clean and fix breakfast.

Life is pretty good. There is no reason to get depressed or worry.