Thursday Morning Part 2 Mood fluctuations in New Diary

I called Healthways at 8:30. I asked to speak with my case manger. They said that she was not available. I left her a message to please call me it is important. I reread my last entry. I started to think and wonder why I have those thoughts to begin with. They do not do me any good. They are totally not true. My life is not over and I do have things to live for. I do not know why I think like that. Told Chocolatechip and s he said it is the depression speaking. She also suggested that I might need to change the diagnosis. I don’t know At this point I do not know what Is going on.

I did call Healthways. I hope my case manager calls me. I thin I really need to talk, with somebody today. I am worried about the mood fluctuations. I am worried about being depressed and tired all the time. Then when I do feel good all of a sudden my mood drops.

Don’t think I am making too much sense right now. Sort of rambling on and on bout being depressed. Just a little bit ago I was sitting at my kitchen table. I had just taken my morning meds. I was doing ok then I started to feel like shit again. I said to myself stop it stop it. The bad feelings went away but I experienced them even for just a brief period of time.

I will be ok. I am not suicidal. I have no plans for that shit. I will not do anything stupid The more I think about it the more I think maybe I need my meds changed. Chocolatechip said as much and perhaps she I right. In any event the need to know what is going on. I think the doctor needs to know what is going on Hope I can get some help. Hope somebody from Healthways calls soon.

I will be ok. I will be ok. Things are not bad. Life does not seem hopeless; I have the bills covered. I have food to eat. I have money for meds. Life really is good I am very lucky. Furthermore I have a lot to live for. I know all of this. There is no reason why I should be depressed. I do not understand why I get depressed. Been like this all my life.