Took today off. in Since OD is shutting down....

I had a co-worker call me right before I was going to leave for work asking if he could have my shift and I was so happy. I slept all day yesterday and was still kinda tired today so I’m fine getting extra time to hang out at home. I will still get plenty of hours so I’m not worried about it. I got my oil changed and got gas so I’m ready to go tomorrow.

The lady from the bank called and said that she’s still working on my stuff and said that she’s going to find a grant to pay off my medical that’s on my credit report. It’s like $700 and I am still sure I paid all of that a couple of years ago but it’s still showing unpaid. I have a couple things that were charged off that I called about today and was told it’s actually for 2 accounts and it’s double what was on my credit report. I told them that it’s wrong and tried to pay it off by offering an amount but they weren’t having it. I hung up on the guy but my Dad said to call back and talk to a supervisor.

The cat that I’m not fond of was waking me up this morning by fucking with my mini blind and i got pissed and put her outside. I finally let her back in about 5 hours later and she’s being a lot nicer. I would still like to re-home 2 of them because I really don’t feel like I can handle all 3. It’s a lot more work than I anticipated and honestly, I don’t think it’s for me. I know I fought really hard to get them but the cat hair is crazy. I vacuum everyday and still wake up super stuffy and struggling to breathe.

My arm has gotten a lot better in the past 2 weeks and I think it’s because my stress level has gone way down. It always feels better on my days off because I’m not constantly moving it or having to lift anything. I just want whatever is going on to go away so I don’t have to worry about it anymore. It’s really stressful and sometimes it will hurt so bad.

I text the old roommate about coming over when he gets off but he said he had plans. I told him I don’t work until 4 the next couple of days so it would be great if he would find the time to come over. I would like to talk to him about my plans of buying a house and see if he would be interested in living with me again. I worry because if he could fuck me over once, he could definitely fuck me over again. I don’t even know if he would want to because he’s so into doing his own thing and not having any responsibilities so we’ll see.

I’m annoyed because I got my oil changed and they told me I have a leak in the power steering but I don’t believe that because I never see any fluid on the ground and these places lie to get you to spend more money. Ugh, just an extra thing to fucking worry about. It just gets old.

I’ve felt kinda lonely today. I talked to my Dad on the phone and my friend Heather but I’ve been by myself since I got back from seeing my friend and it’s starting to get to me. I wish there was someone to come hang out with me.

Been thinking about my niece and I hope she’s doing good and liking school. I still wish I could be a part of my life but I can’t because it’s never going to change. It’s either put up with spending money constantly and my brother controlling every aspect of my life or just walking away. I knew that it was going to end up like this a year ago and yet, I still feel shitty. I just don’t want her to ever think I walked away because of her.

I just want to do my own thing because every time people are around, it’s just a costly, anger-provoking bunch of bullshit. I don’t know how to deal with people who just want to use and abuse. I’ve become very closed off and shut down because after everything that’s happened with my roommate and my niece, I just want people to leave me the fuck alone. I’m just sick of giving my all and things still ending up like shit.

I’m going to watch tv and just try to relax.