Tuesday morning in New Diary

Well it is another day. September 6 already. First week of the month always goes fast. I am up I felt pretty perky this morning. Yesterday I felt like shit. I was tired and exhausted all day. Chocolatechip cheered me up. She was up here early in the morning and cleaned up my kitchen. She is always doing nice things for me. I am truly blessed to have her in my life ..

One thing that worries me is that bill from the doctor’s office. We were looking at it yesterday. They charged me something like $69 for fixing my hearing aid. I thought it was still under warranty. Anyways the damned thing doesn’t work most of the time. I was on Medicare when they fixed it last JUne. I am thinking it was not covered and I will be stuck with paying for a hearing aid that doesn’t work.Then they charge me $%110 for an office visits. If the damned thing worked in the first place I wouldn’t have had to go there so many times The more I think about this the madder I get.

My case manager is coming for visit today. I will show her the bill. Perhaps she can get this thing straightened out for me. I hope so. If worse comes to worse I will pay the bill. I will have to make some kind of payment arrangement. and start paying t next month. I do pay my bills but right now I think this should have been billed to my insurance company.

This has been praying on my mind. I’ve been a tad bit anxious about it. I try not to think about it.. I tend to worry about things. One thing I ha e learned is worrying does not do anything except make you I know this this but I still worry about anything and everything. I worry about finances. I worry about my health why I get so depressed all the time and why I am so exhausted. I worry about my apartment I worry that I will end up in some assistant living facility I worry about everything .

Depression is another thing that I do not understand. I have nothing to get depressed about. But I seem to have been going through long periods of depression. I get in this state and I feel so tired and exhausted.. I keep thinking that I’m 65 years old and my life is pretty much over. Talked with my therapist about this but in the back of my mind I still feel that I don’t have much longer to go before I end up in an assistant living facility or some kind of nursing home. I guess this is a very irrational fear. I know this is irrational but I still think this is going to happen.

Well I have that telephone interview with the welfare office today. They are supposed to call me at one this afternoon. I hope my EBT doesn’t go down. I only get $16 a month. Sometimes I think that it is more trouble than it is worth. But $16 is $16. I use this money to buy a can of coffee or a case of pop. If they lower it much more I think I will tell them they can keep their money. I would not want to drive the state of West Virginia broke.

Aw life. Sometimes it is very hard. It is even harder when you suffer from mental illness. When I was on here before I used to write daily affirmations. They reminded me that things are not so bad. In fact life seems pretty damn3ed good. Since getting back on I haven’t been able to do this. I guess I’ve been focused on crap.I think I can still come up with a few things to be tankful for. I will give it a try. Here goess.

1 I am in fairly good physical health.
2. I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I am not homeless or hungry
3. I have health insurance that covers most of the cost of meds I need
4 I have clothes to wear so I’m not running around naked
5 I have phone, internet and cable
6 I have a worker comes in Monday through Friday that fixes breakfast and does l
light housecleaning
7, I have my social security and ssi check
8 I am not hooked on alcohol or drugs
9 f Most important I have a a wonderful relationship with Chocolatechip I love her with my heart and soul.
10 I have plenty of books to read.
11 I have a support system with Chocolatechip and Healthways. I am very lucky.

I can think up of eleven things to be grateful for. Life does not seem so bad when I focus on the good things. In fact life is pretty good. I am very lucky.

Other than that things have been going k.. I still suffer from depression. I don’t understand it. I have nothing to be depressed about but I get so depressed I can hardly do anything. I feel so tired and exhausted when I’m in this state. I

Last updated September 06, 2016