chr in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

Weekend was… meh.
The election is worrying me more and more. Donald Trump is an unstable, egocentric, lunatic who is either brilliant and psychotic, or an idiot and lucky. Hillary Clinton’s people went on national TV and (essentially) said “There’s nothing wrong with selling influence, that is just a normal thing in Washington.” So I’m left continually looking to The People for hope in our future. And every time I start to see a glimmer that the current mess has inspired people to try for a better way… someone pops up to let me know that, no… we’re likely far from hope in a worthwhile future.

Meanwhile, some countries are starving to death… some are desperately trying to find clean water… some are being bombed constantly… and in America, we can’t even make sure that partially-government funded medications are accessible to those who need them. With no offense intended… does it seem to anyone else that even the Industrialized World has significantly dangerous pockets of 3rd World?

Speaking of… poverty in America is still an issue that needs to be looked into. Not just in a racial way, either. The fastest way to foster violence, hatred, and crime is to create large swaths of poverty. As I said to a friend last night, “The most noble and enlightened people will become savages if they go long enough without food.” I’m not saying we use that to ignore the world around us; but we have some considerable Domestic Issues in this country that need some freaking attention. And we’re all so busy fighting whatever “war” the news, social media, or the politicians are making Today’s Big Deal that we never stay on any issues long enough to solve them. Whether you support Bernie or not… this comic says a lot:

Then again… this is the other (equally good) side of that coin:

But of course, it is easy for me to look to the large National and International issues facing our world right now because it distracts me from the suffocating nightmare that is my current surroundings. Though I do have to admit… I actually saw a little diversity here this weekend. A girl in a Hijab and a hispanic family. Now, there was a big regional thing going on here… so it honestly isn’t likely they were necessarily from the county… but there’s a chance. Of course, you could tell by their expressions that they “knew where they were.” Which is to say… even as a white guy (from the “liberal big city”) I was told who the active KKK members were and what kind of “shenanigans” they get up to. It is one of the reasons the whole “relaxed understanding of the law” is such an aggravation for me. If the law isn’t applied equally, I have issues with that. If the law isn’t applied at all, it allows communities to create their own version of law… which almost always turns into cronyism, racism, and xenophobia. And (as I continue to say) I would love to fight the good fight here. I would love to be the one that stands up and leads the revolution for justice. But (1) I don’t have enough training in the law right now to do that; (2) I’m seen as a super outsider, so I could’t lead a thirsty man to water without being seen as suspicious; and (3) I am not presently strong enough (in mind or spirit) to be the One Against Many in the way that would be required to affect long lasting change here. So, I practice the law the best I can here… refusing to give unequal justice based on Family Name or Race… and do what I can to preserve a sense of justice here.

In ENTIRELY different news:
Or maybe, same news different tack.... I have no idea if this is the general human experience or just me… but I am hoping it is the general human experience… it seems like relationships, particularly my marriage, goes in cycles. Right now, I think my Wife and I are back in the part of the cycle where she’s so fed up with this place, so messed up by our location, that it is negatively impacting our marriage again. Which sucks; because the only way we’ll both survive this place is together. Aside from a return to the complete absence of affection (even little hugs or kisses) we’re back to the “I love you, dear” being met with silence or the oft-times upsetting “uh-huh.” And while I know it sucks for her that I’m her only friend in the area and she’s my only friend in the area… there’s that one issue that keeps popping up all the time. She doesn’t really… talk. Like, we’ve had amazing conversations before… but I’m starting to realize/wonder if those were because she was a little drunk. Sober? I can’t even get her to talk about what she wants to do that day. Like last night. She starts working on her headlight (at 9 at night) and I ask if I can help. “Uh-huh.” Then I stand around trying to read her mind, annoy her with asking how I can help, and then just give up and go back inside. Then when she comes inside, “Hey, do you want to watch some TV?” To which she replies, “Sure.” But won’t engage in what to watch because she’s too busy getting pissed that the internet we’re paying for vacillates from 35 mps to 19 mps wildly and for no reason. So, I select something to watch about the new Batman Game because Wife loves TellTale Games (and why wouldn’t she). But no matter what, I can’t get her to engage in a conversation because she’s playing Two Dots for a straight hour and “can’t be bothered” when she’s playing it. And I understand. This place is killing us, and it is killing us in different ways. But I get really annoyed when my wife de-prioritizes me for Cell Phone Games. Kind of a big pet peeve of mine. Especially as it happens all the time, and I consistently tell her that it bothers me. Especially since, considering out schedules… if she really wants to spend several hours at a time playing her cell phone game… she has several days in a row (every week) where she can (and often does) do just that. Then when she comes home from work, she complains that there is nobody at work that she can have “an intelligent conversation with.” How about trying to have an intelligent conversation with me! I’m starving for human interaction, for god sake. Bah.

So… not surprisingly, I am really hoping that this new opportunity… in a town of 27,000 in a county of 40,000.... I’m really hoping that opportunity actually goes somewhere. But I say that with the confession that I haven’t officially applied yet. NO, it isn’t because I am afraid. Honestly, if it was, I’d say it. It is because my parents were very direct about Business Etiquette when I was growing up. “Don’t put someone down as a reference without asking them first.” And it makes sense. If someone gets the “surprise call” that you put them as a reference… it puts them on the spot and is socially and professionally very rude. So, I need to ask people permission to be references. Well, some people. Boss should sure as shit expect it… though when she retires, no idea how to list her since she is typically incommunicado outside of her office. Cecilia will go down but I’m not writing “secretary” as her position because that isn’t even close to correct. I think I’ll put down one of the ladies in the DHS office. Because they know my work ethic and my drive, if not my specific duties. And then… fingers crossed, I may put down the Magistrate or one of the Attorneys who represents defendants. But again… I need to ask them permission first.

And now, for today. Got into work about an hour early. Because… I’ll be honest… I typically do my best work before noon. As long as I’m anywhere near rested.

MY GOAL FOR THE DAY: Finish my firschlugitta To Do List! It would be nice, if one day in my career here, I left with nothing hanging over my head. Granted, that is literally impossible. I have seven cases that I’m waiting to hear either (1) when we go to trial; or (2) if we go to trial. But it would be nice to finish as much as I can of the things I actually have control over.

To that end: I buckled down and did what I could.
By 10:15 a.m. I had already filed 3 reports and sent out the discovery required for another case. Leaving me with 2 reports to do (that I could). And 4 reports to finish that I still need paperwork for and 2 Discovery Requests that I still needed to respond to. Thus, 3 phone calls to make. So… with a mental health hearing this afternoon and the Weekend Arrests to review… still a big day ahead. But so far productive. And yes… “How can a county of 5k have 12 cases per week?” Welcome to Small Town, USA. Where alcohol and drugs are The Weekend Getaway.
HA! HA ha ha ha ha

All of the files I turned in this morning? Had a stupid, silly, ridiculous error. All of the dates I’d written for Future Hearing were AUGUST 19th! Instead of SEPTEMBER 19th. So I had to fix that issue, then re-submit everything. The clerk is going to think I’m drunk! lol

So… before mid afternoon, I had gotten QUITE a lot done (and everything fixed). Mental Health Hearing, loads of cases filed on; reports collected for many of the cases I still needed to file on… so there is every possibility that I could knock out most of this week’s work by the end of the day. And as much as I HATE that thought… it is worth doing, at least once. To determine if there is a better way. If I do everything EARLY and getting it out of the way allows me to do… anything of value during the rest of the week.

Though I must say… after 2:30 p.m. rolled around… and the skies opened up pouring water and hatred from the sky (as seems to happen more and more these days)… I found my motivations considerably drained. Whereas this morning, I was eagerly ripping through my to-do list, slashing things off of it left and right… during the afternoon hours, I was remiss and more apathetic. Taking a full hour to finish a single file. Unfortunate, but I suppose one cannot be at the top of their game for an entire day. Especially in such a “non-fostering” environment such as this. Wellll… I take back what I said about having what I need. I needed information on 3 cases. Let’s call them X, Y, and Z. I got information on File X… just not the information I needed (and have requested multiple times). I got information on a case that was like Y; but no information on Y. And then, yes, I got all of Z. So… there we go.

Though, in truth… I think I initiated a grand total of ten new Operating While Intoxicated cases today. Most of which likely will get cushy plea deals. Bah.

I still have a deep personal issue I need to deal with. And it is totally my fault… not blaming anyone other than myself! But I still find myself reading random entries on here and somehow, mysteriously finding entries that play out as follows:
OMG, I love him. I mean, I knew I loved him when he I told him but that feeling just grows every day. And it is so much more than that. Yeah, we have these amazing conversations that go everywhere but for the first time I found a guy who HAS IT. Like, all I have to do is look at him and he just takes me! Lifts my dress up, drops my panties, and he’s inside me and it feels like heaven. This is so perfect! I feel loved and I’m having sex almost every day. It doesn’t get better!”

And.... as I said, totally my own personal issue, but I feel the strong pull of the green monster in my chest. And if I follow that feeling, there is something behind Envy. Envy is strong enough. Wanting to have a life where I feel loved and sexually fulfilled… who wouldn’t want that. But behind Envy I see the manipulative little hands of Self Loathing. That ever present voice saying, “Thou remembers being in love like that. But thou never let thyself feel sated; thou never supt on the bounty of physical delights. And now, your world is absent both the emotional splendor and the bounties of the flesh. Aren’t you the perpetual jackass! How I mock thee whilst I spit on thee, thou low globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip oil, you eunuch jelly thou!”

BUT

AND NOW THE NEWS OF GENE WILDER’S DEATH? Damnit, man. He was such a big part of… well… everything I know about comedic acting! Lets go through the list of films he’s done that I saw
Bonnie & Clyde
The Producers
Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask
Blazing Saddles
The Little Prince
Young Frankenstein
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes’ Smarter Brother
The World’s Greatest Lover
The Frisco Kid
Stir Crazy
Haunted Honeymoon
Hear No Evil, See No Evil
Another You
Alice in Wonderland
Not to mention his relationship with Gilda Radner. A generation is passing before our eyes. A generation of greatness. :(