The Cornea of the Panthera Tigris Tigris in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

Rising up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I’m back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive....................

Still doing that thing where I wake up ass early for no reason. Which means when I go back to bed, I wake up late. Today it was quarter to nine. BAH!
BUT… there is a lot of work that will get done today. Hell, I’ve already been more productive in my first half hour than I can be (some days) the entire day. Though, that is less a function of me and more a function for how this damned place works. So… yeah. There it is. I actually have about 6 hours of work to do. And the most difficult thing about all of it today? Keeping myself from taking a nap at my desk!

OF COURSE. Call from Boss. Late last night; two people that we argued were unfit parents were fighting over their kids. Both have deep mental issues (well documented) and both believe that the combination of marijuana and methamphetamine is an “appropriate” way to deal with those mental issues. So now we have to, again, argue that they are unfit parents. But since Iowa is the Worst in the Nation for mental health and this county is one of the worst counties IN Iowa… yeah. MORE work that leads nowhere. MORE knowing what is wrong, being asked to fix it, and a zero percent chance of appropriate fix. Allow me to say: grumble grumble grumble grumble.

Frankly, I’m getting really fucking sick and tired of it all. The SAME people are always the ones causing trouble but there’s NOTHING I can do? Then why am I expected to go through the motions? Fuck it. If this place likes being so fucked up and backwards; they should just admit it and save us all the trouble of this wholly inadequate and unnecessary charade.

I do have to say, though. I’m envious of the criminal element in a way. They don’t have jobs; but they have family and friends who just give them money all the time. They usually have drugs, a car, clothes… they are financially taken care of. Plus, the criminal element around here is extremely mobile. As happens constantly… they decide one night that they want to visit/temporarily live somewhere… they just grab their things and go. It would be like the first time Wife and I decided that we really didn’t want to live here… we could have just moved on to another town, no worries. So… financially taken care of and highly mobile. Bastards. Seriously. We’ve got a person who (when they get sick of being impotently harassed by ineffective officers) simply packs up her shit, goes to Des Moines, and lives off of her mother for a few months. Yeah. Meanwhile, I’m considering going back to retail just so I can return home (Des Moines). This is the part where my tired, depressed, blah to this job becomes much more the angry, agitated, gr to this job. Due to my own circumstances, I am at a higher risk for getting stuck in “Victim Mentality” (ie: constant pain, difficult sex life, etc) … so I do have to watch for that. But at the same time… when I think about this place.... and how self-defeating every level of this county is....

I have now officially spent my entire morning on the phone. Largely because my Boss doesn’t understand how to e-mail. So she does everything via Fax and Phone. GIANT EYE ROLL.

Then… click, click, boom. My boss sends me something to send to a judge. I call the judge. The judge returns my call saying “What do you want me to do? What do you want from me?” To which my only available response is: “My boss told me to send this to you. That’s all I know.” Angering the judge. Making me look like an ass. Hooray! Because how I desperately want to do this job is to look like a raving asshole. And this is the kind of thing that threatens to kill my ability to get work outside of this county. Because the judges… travel. So my reputation as a know-nothing, ignoramus who can’t do shit… spreads. Because my boss is a know-nothing ignoramus.

See… this is a nightmare situation. I work on my own, ignoring my boss completely… and there are a LOT of things that simply won’t get taken care of. Ever. I work with my boss, trying to get help… and she tells me the wrong way to do things. Always. I simply do what my boss tells me… and I look like a raving asshole. This is my god damned Kobayashi Maru and I can either try and do my job, making it harder to get a job elsewhere… or I can not do my job, making it harder to get a job elsewhere. Considerably upsetting.

INTERESTINGLY… a job opening was posted today. An Assistant County Attorney Position in Central Iowa. County population 40,000. Town population of 20,000. 45 minutes from Ames. 50 minutes from Des Moines. Offering pretty much the same amount of money. Of course, I know I should try for it. The town is quadruple the size of my whole county and considerably closer to the things and people that matter most to me. Hell, it manages to be closer both to my friends in NE Iowa and Omaha. Which says less about the city of offer and more about exactly how MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I am right now. So… of course I should apply. But I can’t help but worry. I’ve worked in this job for less than 6 months. My first legal job. That isn’t going to look good to prospective employers. Worse yet… when they ask, because of course they’ll ask, “Why are you looking to leave your current job so quickly?” It is going to be a hard question to answer. “(1) We hate the community, we need something larger. (2) I’m not learning how to do the job correctly. (3) Where we’re from is so empty, that ‘leave the county’ is the only way to do, get, or buy anything. (4) I’m being suffocated in this hellhole?” But then there’s the other thing. I do want/ need to do something, go somewhere much much better. I owe it to myself… I owe it to my wife… to try.

So that’s the new plan.
Step One: Finish the paperwork I wanted to do today.
Step Two: Grab some soda and food at the Convenience Store
Step Three: Update my Resume and References (to reflect current job)
Step Four: Submit On Line
Step Five: Continue to fight the desire to drink this county out of my brain
Step Six: Skyrim [^1]
Step Seven: Sleep
Step Eight: Sleep IN, you bastard
Step Nine: Return to work to complete more paperwork. The goal here being to finish all that I know how to do, and prepare for anything that would take me time to research.
Step Ten: More Skyrim

[^1] Footnote: Since arriving in Tiny Town… I’ve been emotionally avoiding all other consoles and video games. I played the first bit of TellTale’s Batman Game but other than that… I’ve been avoiding PC Gaming, N64, and PS4 Gaming. And I think (as self destructive as it is) that I’ve finally figured out why. PS4 and N64 are things I played in Omaha and Des Moines… places where I was considerably happier. When I first moved to Tiny Town in the Shit Shack; the only thing I had was XBox and Skyrim. So, just as an emotional concept… I don’t PC Game or N64 or PS4 (even though 2/3 of those options would be more social) because they remind me of happier times… times I certainly don’t want to focus on right now. Whereas playing Skyrim, a solo game with no on-line interplay, a game that boasts 300 hours of content.... that game IS this place. Vast wastelands of nothing but enemies. Quests that only half make sense, but fuck it, you do the quest because that is the purpose. Yes. Skyrim is Up North County.

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UPDATE

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I texted my wife about the Central Iowa Attorney Position. She sent me back the following response:
Pull.The.Trigger! Also, there is a Playstation truck in town today. See if you get off work early and hang out there. Take some pics for me.

Last updated August 26, 2016