Loser in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

This place is defeating me. Wife said we should drink last night while we watched TV. I drank too much. Wife is very upset claiming we need to stop drinking. She’s right. Why have I been drinking too much these days when, for the last 11 years I was very capable of only drinking “a little” or “enough”? Because I’m not strong enough to beat this place. I need to be. Or at least, if I can’t beat this place…I need to be strong enough to pull a stalemate. I can’t let this place swallow me. It has already begun. And I need to do better about it. But therein lies the nature of how apathy affects me. I can care and I can let this place swallow me, kicking and screaming, fighting everyone impotently. Or I can completely stop caring, pretty much stop doing my job in every way… and this place will swallow me as I become more and more upset about the situation.