I Dream Of Televised Supernatural Wives in poetry

Major Tony Nelson, man
I can sort of understand
your disinterest in Jeannie’s
reality-bending magic ability
you are already incredibly cool
you’re a motherfucking astronaut
but an advertising executive?
It’s one thing to fly to the moon in a goddamn copper pot
that was just as impossible as a genie one generation past.
Major Nelson, I do get that.
Being an astronaut might as well be magic itself.
But Darren fucking Stevens sitting there on the shelf
writing ad copy for Larry goddamned Tate
like a minor scribe in a medieval state?
Your wife Samantha’s an actual witch
with a twitch she makes space-time her bitch
that’s so fucking baller, you shitty ad hack
that is so fucking baller, why hold her back?
You should be on that like Trump on spraytan, man.
Your devotion to suppressing those blessings
your devotion to the conventional, it just sickens me.
Stevens, I want you to know your mother in law is totally right
might as well be some asshole named Derwood or Dwight
fuck you Darren Stevens
fuck you real thick
fuck you Darren Stevens with Larry Tate’s dick
something I’m sure Samantha could make a reality
a hero astronaut, he deserves a gorgeous genie
your lack of imagination deserves a swift kick in the ass
and I deserve Sam
I deserve Sam!
motherfucker!

Last updated August 23, 2016