4:05 AM in Hello

I had reached down to pet my Rosie kitty and when leaning back up slammed my head into the wall. Had just taken two Aleve’s as well to help with the relaxing into bed. Now my head feels like it is in a vise.

Work is pretty much the same. Been talking to the younger kid Jimmy since he’s been doing metal fab in the back. One guy got fired yesterday for getting in someone’s face. Apparently he has a series of write ups for the same reason and has a temper. One less thing to worry about. He ran one of the five axis machines while I’m in the fab department running a three axis. At the urging of both Jimmy and crazy Bill (more on him in a future entry) I let it be known that I’d like to get trained on the five axis. One, experience. Two, that is what most machine shops have. Three, if I get good at it it will be a big pay increase. I’m making the most money I’ve ever have at a job before…but i’m always down for more.

In entertainment I’ve been switching between Borderlands 2 and Uncharted 4, the latter I borrowed off Mike. How can you establish a trilogy of games then in the last one SUDDENLY reveal the main character has an older brother that just so happens to have been in prison. While the story line has rubbed me the wrong way I’m digging the updated graphics. Have finished the entire Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur and even though I’ve had the set since the first film came out, The Fellowship of the Ring by Tolkien. Started the Two Towers last night. Pretty amazing how much gets cut out of books for films. Sunday I went to see Suicide Squad with very low expectations and left laughing my ass off. I liked it, a lot.

Other than that life has been very monotonous. Had one last little drug/alcohol bender over the weekend but have faced this week headstrong. I even haven’t had a cigarette since Monday and OH GOD AM I’M FIENDING. But why did I start back smoking in the first place. Cue the rolling of the eyes and the sarcastic voice, “Because I was hanging out with friends while I was sober who were drinking and I wanted to engage in some bad behavior because I was actually feeling left out.” Sad but true. Which lead to a month or so later when I was having a bad night to my relapsing into alcohol after a two year stint of sobriety.

I suppose it was getting my diploma and this good job within a few weeks of each other. I feel like I need to start taking things way more seriously again. I’ve got all this stuff pent up that I want to come here and write about and deep down I’m thinking that it is either too personal, I don’t want to do it, or people are going to think I’m a nut case. Have been carrying around my journal I started back in ‘09. I want to time travel back to then and slap the shit out of my younger self.

“Oh boo hoo, female troubles. I’m hung over. I feel like shit. Boo hoo boo hoo.”

I want to rip those pages out and burn them and maybe take a hot poker to my eyes in an attempt to hit the brain and burn it from there as well. In it is the day I was arrested for my DUI because I was an idiot, a very sweet and tender moment with my gal pal Jessica (whom dropped off the face of the earth two years ago), the day we buried my uncle Mike who died from severe brain damage due to DING DING DING alcoholism. Those I guess you could say I would save.

On some level while I wrote a lot of interesting entries on Open Diary, I’m glad that I lost them when my old laptop died. I said it once to Amanda D. from O.D., it felt like it was a chronicling of ten years of failure. My decent down into the rabbit hole of alcoholism, lost nights, bad relationships. Now I did write about going back to school and what not that was only in the last year that it was around. Almost like a completely different contrast to what I had put in there.

I don’t know, I just needed to come and write tonight.

Bedtime.

Last updated September 01, 2016