A Bit Of Everything in meh...

The weekend went okay. I’m a little tired but it was fine.

Friday felt like gloom and doom. I was faced with running out of food at home. I was going to bite the bullet and overdraw on my already overdrawn account, but I couldn’t. Broke my heart because we were about to starve for a week. I went home and cooked what I had. I asked my daughter if she had any money she said no, only a $20 check. Riiiiiight…I didn’t trust that. She wasn’t home when I got home. When I texted her, she said she stopped to get a hair cut and was going to go to a store to get school supplies for grandbaby for school. So I said, “Hmm…You sure are doing a lot on $20,” and left it at that.

Then she said that their dad was going to buy his supplies for school. Then she stopped at the grocery store in an attempt to “help out” and bought two bags of chips, taco shells for dinner, and a bunch of those little sandwich meat packets. I saw that and almost cried thinking we about to go hungry. Then she had the nerve to doctor my taco meat with a packet of pre-made seasoning. I do my own and it’s good.

Saturday morning, I woke up and made pancakes. I laid in the bed for along time before I did that. Trying to figure out what to do & how to stretch what we had. I almost depressed myself. I got up, made the pancakes. Daughter got up and had an interview at the mall. Me and grandbaby got dressed to be picked up to go to my nephew’s birthday party. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go or not, but thought well, the kid will get to eat all day and get to play, let’s do it. I offered for my daughter to go in my place, but she didn’t.

I got to see my mom and was happy about that. When the family gets together, I can usually be found in the vicinity if not right next to my mother. Kind of that co dependent thing because, after all, she and my children were my entire life from the age of 22-35. My one cousin that unfriended me and blocked me on Facebook and her daughter and another cousin from dad’s side of the family was their with her family. My sister in law’s cousin that I can’t stand was even there. She’s always there. I haven’t liked her since the wedding. Anyway, all of that was shoved aside. It was a great time. The kiddo was a shrimp among the big kids and was older than the little kids. My step nephew’s son is 4 but he like JUST turned 4. Grandbaby is like miles ahead of him. LOL But my little guy was bowling. I told him to use the ball his cousin Jada was using because I’m sure it was light weight. He carried that ball and threw it down the lane. He did a great job bowling. lol Then we went on to the arcade area. He ate lots of pizza and fruit snacks which I was hoping he did so when we got home he wouldn’t go in about how hungry he was.

My brother took us home and decided that he would cut baby’s hair for school. Made his hair look just like his and he said, “I have Uncle Mike’s hair. Don’t touch it.” LOL But he bonded with him a bit and talked to him. When we got home, also, daughter wasn’t there but she was sending text messages to my son asking our whereabouts and if we were sleep. No ma’am. But I went to karaoke that night anyway. My friend sent a message and asked if I was going. I said I could. I got the baby in the bath after his haircut and my brother left. He chilled out with my son and when my daughter came home he went and slept with her. He sleeps with me because she gets up super early and if he wakes up in the dark alone he will freak.

So one thing I’ve noticed about karaoke. There is always something disastrous that goes down and the place kind of clears out. LOL Like ALL the time. Once a woman had a diabetic attack of some kind and passed out. A fight broke out once down stairs. This Saturday a dude and his girlfriend were there having a great time until she passed out at the table. When they work her up she chucked in the food tray in front of her. She was just bumping and grinding on the stage so I didn’t understand. LOL I underestimated how much was in the tray. I walked to her guy who was talking to the DJ and said, “Excuse me, but, your girl just chucked in her food dish.” He looked at me like are you kidding?? They took care of her though. My Nora-boo was there. She was sitting next to my friend RJ and then the annoying guy was there. Funny of the night. He was singing “For The Longest Time.” When he sang the part “I have been a fool for lesser things,” I sang right behind him, “Yes you have…” and the crowd went wild. I immediately apologized because I was feeling shitty about my food situation at home, about my life in general. It was funny though.

So I went home and had weird dreams. I woke up and again laid in the bed contemplating my next move. Thinking of who I can ask for a few dollars until Friday. I thought about my friend Scott who is by definition a true friend. He’s always saying if you need something to hold you down till Friday just let me know, because I’m always begging, but not begging, on Facebook. I never take him up on it. If we hang he takes care of me. Bought tickets to a show, was gonna buy my ticket to a movie when me and him RJ hung out. It is awesome how sweet he is. So I long story shorted him which was still a long story and asked for like $45-50 till Friday. He said, I got you and I got a ride to the store for you. When we pulled up, I thought he was going to drop me off, but he just decided to wait in the car. He then pulled out $160 and said pay it back if you want, but you don’t really have to. I was moved to tears. I couldn’t believe it. He is good period. I was texting him and like had tears in my eyes while I was doing it. After we went to my house, I walked him outside and said that I only spent $80 something and if he was sure he didn’t want the rest back. He said, you know you could probably use the extra scratch in your pocket. You never know what will come up. I hugged him for like the THIRD time I was so relieved. Of course this is a temporary fix, but a fix nonetheless.

I know I did this to myself. I at least have rent paid (is what I keep telling myself). My daughter does get food stamps, but they don’t post until this coming Sunday. I felt kind of weird because it’s like I have all these big ass people in my house and I feel tasked with feeding them. My son, doesn’t work, but he’s trying to find work (he has an interview with a grocery store soon). My daughter works, but she showed up to me with nothing plus her child. I knew this when it was going down, but I didn’t realize the impact it had. I had to have a conversation with my son about my debt to income ratio and why I’m in debt. Even when I wasn’t under these stupid loans, I still didn’t have a food budget for real. One check was for rent with the rest taking care of phones and possibly food. The next check took care of gas and electric and household needs. Then the emergencies that popped up, the things he needed for life and for school, then his sister’s emergencies; these things made me need loans in the first place. High electric when it’s hot out, high gas when it’s cold out, Nothing was ever balanced. Not to mention I want to live a little even if that meant the occasional meal out or even a damn movie. But that’s it in a nut shell. It’s all on me. Then I explained how now I have less coming into the house that hurts too. So if anything I want him to get a job and use his money for him. It would be nice to help me on some stuff, but I don’t want him to feel like he HAS to take care of me. Not until he is able to. LOL But I want him to learn to take care of himself that’s all. My daughter feels like she’s missing out on life so she will always have it rough. I know what I’m missing out on and I just suck it up until I’m able to do it.

So now I’m here back at work, sleepy but back at work.

Grandkid starts school on Wednesday. I wish my transmission would automatically work again so I can let my son have his life. I’m adamant that he have his life. I gave him $15 yesterday and told him this is nothing compared to all he does for the family. I love him so much.

Kindest regards,
Sister

So that is it in a nutshell.