Back hurts, days off went fast. in Since OD is shutting down....

My right arm started hurting yesterday and this morning it was hurting enough that I went and saw the chiropractor. She had me on my belly and whenever I’m on a flat surface, it makes my lower back tighten up and leads to immense pain. It took me a few minutes to get up and everything I had to walk to the car. I couldn’t hardly get out of the car when I get home so I grabbed a snack and laid down. I took a little nap and it did help but my back and hips are still hurting. I’m scared of how I’m going to feel in the morning because I have to work tomorrow.

She said she wanted me to get into physical therapy but I don’t have insurance and it killed me to spend $45 to see her so I’m going to learn how to do it online and be self taught. I just can’t afford to do physical therapy somewhere. She said that it’s happening because the tissues in my back are trying to adjust to how they should be so when I move, it makes everything really stiff.

Before I went, I cleaned out the car and the freezer. I was super productive today. I had the little one the past 2 nights and it’s so nice to just sit here and enjoy the silence. I love my alone time. It really helps me recharge and prepare for another week.

The roommate is still on my mind. I just don’t know how to completely let go. It just really bothers me that he was never around even when he did live here and then to find out he went and talked shit about me to my brother was absolutely devastating. I went above and beyond for someone that didn’t appreciate it and repays me by being a back stabbing piece of shit. I know that I’m a lot stronger than I was a month ago but there’s still those moments where all of this really gets to me.

All I know is I need to figure out how to come to terms with all of this so I can live a normal, healthy life again. For being a roommate, he had one helluva impact on me and I just have to accept that he was never the person he pretended to be in the beginning. I have to let him go and just live for me now. I have since changed my number again and he’s still blocked on my insurance.

I tend to be stupidly forgiving and even after everything, I had considered letting him move back in. I now know that it’s just not possible because I’m not going to allow the same bullshit of him using me, not paying bills, and not helping around the house. I’m sure he’ll be able to stay at his friends house, at least until the court stuff is over. He hangs out with them quite a bit and I’ve seen pictures of him and he looks genuinely happy. I want that for him.

My problem is I give people way more chances than they deserve. He NEVER deserved to be in my life or my home so if I let him back in, I would be fucking myself over hardcore.

I have become an even bigger bitch since he’s been gone but people still try to step on my toes. My Mother being one of them. She likes to call and try to get super bossy and then I flip shit. No one is going to tell me what to do. I’m a big girl, I pay all my own bills and I don’t have to answer to anyone. I shut her down the other day and haven’t heard from her since.

My personality is coming back where I don’t take shit off anyone and even people at work tread lightly. I refuse to take disrespect because I have for so long and I will not keep doing it.

I think I’m gonna go take a bath and see if that will help loosen up these muscles in my lower back. I’m going to be really upset if I have to call in tomorrow because I am still struggling to walk and function normally.