Almost a year ago in Adventures of New baby and family

The beginning of Aug is when I went for the first ultrasound for this little itty bitty. I wasn’t that excited the tech was more excited than me. my head was swirling. I can’t do this I thought. I can’t have a baby at my age and my SO being 10 yrs older than that. Starting again. Telling everybody that he’s coming. My inlaws from my spouse that passed away..what will they all think. Sigh.....

I wish that I would get the reaction I’m looking for of acceptance and happiness. I have a new job that I worry about telling them and my parents. I know I’m old enough to make decisions but I can’t see this going well. I wish I could fall in love with with this little human and to be part of us. I remember thinking. I just didn’t think he would be accepted and loved like he should. That my feelings of dread were pushed on to him and everybody wouldn’t accept him.

Part of me felt what went on with him was to prove that he was wanted and he was cared about and his life did matter and oh yes I did fall madly in love with him. The other that day. I looked on the wall as there was a poster of various stages of weeks with the baby in ultrasounds. Wouldn’t it be cool to have that to show the little one later......
(the answer to that is UMMMM NO! That means there’s something wrong and we worry enough when we are pregnant to not need that too.)

So little guy… you did the impossible. You won all of us over and we love you .

Speaking of a job.....I need to get one in about 6 weeks. Its breaking my heart.