Busy Day with apts. in Adventures of New baby and family

It started out with SO having an apt with the eye doctor. Babycakes being seen at the clinic for another pair of booties and I had a mammogram today.

It was almost exactly 2 years on the dot LOL. Of course last year instead of going to mammogram apts I was going to ultrasound apts for little babycakes. I guess that was the catalyst. I felt old and that those parts weren’t probably working so WTH.. Oh well. I remember I sat there last year thinking my life is over. Having to go through all the baby stuff and terrible 2’s again. Potty training ....ugh! I didn’t want to be constantly holding a little person, burping, changing, etc… I wanted not to be chasing after a little person. I cringed seeing babies last year. Every time I went into the office there was of course babies and the thoughts just over whelmed me. But as I looked at my second child J-bear. I couldn’t imagine live without him and knew I would come around to this one. Time got closer and I saw him weekly. I got to know him, chewing on his fist, sleeping with his hand in front of his face. He really never kicked, don’t know if he couldn’t for the longest time and didn’t. Well he did kick....my bladder all the time. He did let me know he was there and was fine that way. He would often flip especially at the end. I could tell when he was head up (bladder got kicked all the time) and when he was head down (relief!) He slept well with sound and being poked. I have to laugh thinking about my last apt. The doctor told me to go visit my friends back at ultrasound. I told him I was thinking about that on the way here. I got to know them all especially one. They loved visiting with him. he was moody and gassy but still little charming.

Little one I love you! I look at him now and he smiles and coos and tears roll down my face. He’s beautiful, my heart melts. He looks at me strange and confused like why is she crying when I’m smiling at her. I just want him to know he’s well loved and wanted. He belongs here and he’s special even if its only to us. He really is the cutest little thing. He’s like having a real baby doll.

Things that piss me off...........again…I really got to stop doing this. there was a thing on my facebook about a 1000 day petition that every baby deserves to have the nutrition they need. And of course there are heartless trolls on there that write you should only breastfeed the child and that would be free and there’s no reason you shouldn’t unless you have a medical condition and are ignorant about it and then there’s the if you can’t afford to feed them don’t have children. Both upset m greatly. I wanted breastfeed more but with only me and 3 kids at home (SO in mental hospital) and complications that made it tough for the baby …Sigh. I did for 2 months just pumping. And yes I’m getting WIC. Why?? I was making good money( $50,000+ ) at last job but was laid off after I told them I might have to go on disability sooner than later. Unemployment isn’t a lot of money. SO gets disabilty. Obviously I’m the breadwinner. Talk about a panicky feeling. Actually a little relieved as this country treats pregnant people like dirt. No maternity leave etc… you better hope that your not the breadwinner as they think the man should provide. Yeah like that happens.... So therefore I’m getting a hand out. I’m a sponge on society and I’m sure through this trolls eyes. WTF was I thinking getting pregnant. Sorry not going to abort my child because company A would loose a profit. I had enough to deal with emotionally in my head and yeah it crossed my mind. Sure life would be easy for me and the company I worked for.....but really has it come down to money, greed and the hell with life. Babies are blessing. Babies all need a good start even if at that moment things aren’t good. I worked for a place that dealt with blind and multi-handicapped children. There was one child that was that way because his mother watered down the formula. He was in a wheelchair and had little control of his legs from poor nutrition, he was almost completely blind and he was developmentally disabled. Seriously these trolls that write that stuff need to see what happens if one can not afford the necessary food and see what a drain on society those babies end up all because asshats like those trolls are narrow minded. With the nutrition they need these little guys can become something and productive members of society. Heck maybe one of these little guys will save the asshat trolls life. So yes asshat trolls I’m a suckhole on society but will be getting back to my regularly good paying job skills when I feel like not screwing the company that screwed me. Till then....lots of cuddles, love and snuggles from my miracle, yet sucking on the tites of society since he won’t suck on mine, baby and hope and pray one day that being screwed out of a job but having this much time (with pay) will be a normal. maybe this little guy will do it.

Last updated August 04, 2016