For The People In My Real Life in meh...

What I want from you…
Is just an ear.
What I don’t want from you…
your judgment

Sometimes I whine. Not really whine, but I talk. I tell you about my life because you asked and then I always hear, “If I could…“ “Well if you need anything just ask…“

When you say that, it makes me feel like I’ve been begging, pleading a case, and pitching sales. Kind of like when I listen to a telemarketer and at the end of their wasted breath I say, “No, really. I don’t want any. I can’t afford it.”

All I was doing was relating my life as it stands. Therefore I don’t talk about it. I sit in frustration as things are constantly hitting me, back to back, and one on top to another, and realization upon realization of how dire my situation is…

…and then you hit me with pity.
Just…don’t…Please.

It’s almost as if I have to beg for your help anyway so I don’t ask.

Everyone is “living their dream” and I’m struggling, but you all seem so much more miserable than I do. I mean, my problems don’t come in the form of jacked up, fake friendships, broken fake relationships/situationships. Having everything yet having nothing. Kind of smug of me to say so, but yeah. Money can fix my ills, but can’t fix yours. I’m sorry about that, and at the end of the day if you need an ear I have one for you.

However, I just want you to listen.
I want to be able to just bare my soul. I can’t always bare my soul. I need to bare my soul.
Just listen. Please.
Don’t judge.
Don’t go talk about me, using my life for fodder to pass around and wipe your ass on. I’m not ass wipeable fodder.

I was late in finding myself because my life was wrapped up and around other people. I’ve been a mother, a caretaker, a fixer. I need a mother, caretaking and fixing and not a soul around to help. So I guess I will mother, care take and fix myself.

Sucks to have people and still have no one…
::shrugs::