Work drama, Dan, and sick of being used. in Since OD is shutting down....

The work drama continues. My friend that got fired about a month ago is still a thing. I was at work Tuesday and one of the managers was on the computer investigating her thievery and I told her. She finally told her boyfriend last night and said that he doesn’t want her home, that she’s made all of them look like pieces of shit and that she fucked them good. She messaged that one chick that hates both of us about it and she told her that she’s a selfish dishonest thief that’s no longer allowed on the property and shit.

My brother came over a couple of days ago and dropped the hint needing more money for daycare. I’ve given him $250 for it and it’s not my fault his girlfriend up and quit her job so she can’t afford to pay it. My brother doesn’t want his kid home with her all day long because she doesn’t have patience and it’s like okay, well then maybe she shouldn’t have had a kid!!! I’m so tired of people putting their problems on me and just want to drain my bank account.

I text the old roommate on Monday. He’s still super angry about everything and won’t see me at all. He asked me to pay his storage and I did. Basically the only contact we have is him asking me to pay stuff. He doesn’t have any attachment to me at all, except a financial one. I don’t plan to help him anymore, due to the fact that all my bills were more because of him, I’m still going to get charged for having to change the locks and because he’s put me through more emotional shit than I’ve been through with anyone in a super long time. He’s just focused on what I’ve done to him but doesn’t care what he’s done to me. I’m fucking over it.

I did try and get money from Dan yesterday. I called him right when I woke up at 8am and after 2 minutes of not being able to get a word in edge wise, I had to hang up. It was just too fucking early to get bitched at and I didn’t get the chance to let him know I was hanging up. All that guy EVER does is bitch and I just can’t deal with it anymore. It’s absolutely draining. I probably would have helped with daycare and the old roommate’s car payment but I couldn’t get any more money. I don’t see him giving me or anyone more and I honestly don’t plan to have any more contact with him.

This guy has proven to be vindictive and I feel like if I just stop talking to him, he’ll forget about me and go away. I am not going to let anyone fuck with my job just because they didn’t get their way. I’ve done a lot of helping with the money he’s given me and now, I don’t have anything more to give anyone without running myself completely broke.

My old roommate was hinting around about his car payment on Tuesday night when I’d text him and I told him I would try and help. I woke up super pissed about everything yesterday morning and finally realized what I never wanted to and that’s him just wanting to use me. I get that he blames me for going to jail and all that but again, I wasn’t the one that put illegal shit in his car!!! He has no idea the shit he’s put me through and I do still worry about all of this affecting me as the cops took his phone for evidence.

I just need to completely cut ties with him. I don’t plan to text him anymore, especially because I refuse to keep helping him pay his bills. He’s been out of work for 3 weeks now and it’s time for him to get off his ass and go find a fucking job. I’ve done more for him than I’ve done for anyone in a super long time. He only cares as long as I keep helping him. I know that I never mattered to him and I never will. It was going to be like this no matter what and now, I just want to forget about him and move on.

Again, I stick to myself because every fucking time I’m around people, it comes with a price. I don’t get why people never think to help me or even ask if I’m doing alright. I’ve been on my own for almost 11 years now and it’s sad that it’s just easier this way. Anytime people are around, all they want is to milk off me. I’ve done plenty for everyone and yet, I’m still on my own anytime I need shit. I gave my brother money for daycare and asked him to put a deck in my car and he acted like it was fucking impossible even though I had one in it before!!!

I had to go to my parents house with my gun yesterday because they had a rattlesnake out there and ended up giving my Dad $20 because they didn’t have any food!! It’s like what in the actual fuck is wrong with everybody?!?!? Are they as broke as they claim or do they just like knowing I think they are pieces of shit! I’m so fucking sick of everyone always being so fucking broke! My God, if I was as broke as they claim, I’d get a second job! There’s no way I’d just sit and cry around how broke I am and just hope someone gives me a damn hand out!

Again, I have problems setting boundaries with people. I do say no but I say yes a lot more than I should. I hate seeing people struggle because I know I’ve been there but the deal breaker is, I got my shit together!! My parents are in their 60’s and are still this way!!! There’s no way I could live my life like that for decades. I’m seriously over all the people in my life and I’m going to blow the fuck up real soon.

My co-worker is having a get together at his house on Saturday and I told him I’d come but I have to work all day and I hate his step daughter. She works with us too but she managed to create drama between me and her Dad so I just really don’t think I’m gonna go. I’d rather come home and just hang out by my damn self. I already told my brother so he knows I’m probably not going to take his kid. I’m just sick of being saddled with her EVERY FUCKING WEEKEND. They don’t like me bringing her around anyone and there’s so much I can’t do when I have her so we end up going to the grocery store and just hanging out at my house.

I just wish I had more people to connect with and had similar interests so I could actually life a little more. I’m just tired of feeling all I do is live for everyone else and my job but never getting to live for me. I still feel so fucking lost and feel like I’m going to wander the planet alone forever. I don’t want to be by myself but I don’t have a choice unless I want to be around people I really can’t stand or just be fucking used.

God, please send me a miracle.