Interesting Nights & Days in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

Last night… was a night?
After a richly shitty day, I figured… fuck being fit and ate a couple Convenience Store Burritos… the closest thing to fast food that is out here. I also drank a few 32 oz Convenience Store Soda cups (with Whiskey). THEN around 9:30… I get a call from the police. They’ve arrested two people (for these two people, that makes it 14 arrests in the last two months!) and the officer wants to know if the Protection Order is still valid. Have you called Boss… the attorney who is working the case? Of course he had… and of course Boss has no idea what is going on! So I do what I can but… certainly don’t find anything as this is Boss’ case. Just another one of those moments where I get to think, “What the fuck, woman?! How do you function?”
Then a few hours later, I get a facebook message from a friend saying we shouldn’t be friends anymore. Always difficult but in these times we find ourselves, reasonable and acceptable.
Then… surprise sex. It had been a while so it was nice. Though… of course… conflicting. Because I did finish.... and Wife specifically requested no condom. So… we may be pregnant(?) or at least… if ever something like this happens… I typically think we may be pregnant until I’m otherwise proven wrong. And… that in itself is interesting. Because… I do want a child. I really do! But I also want to find a better place to live and a career that will allow that. So, it is the great conundrum… there is never a perfect time for a kid so whatever happens happens… but I do so badly want to give that child a better world than this. IF there is even a child. Because of course… right now… who knows.

THEN… TODAY:
Because of my frustrations from yesterday… my to do list is manageable and should theoretically get me beyond “caught up” to completely “ahead” of things. IF I get through my to do list. Which… frankly… is difficult for all the wrong reasons. Because when it feels like nobody gives a shit? When we have issues like “Drunk breaks into home” and it happens so frequently (with nothing being done about it) that he’s racked up 14 arrests in two months? Yeah… self motivation is one thing, but actively working against a system like this is another. So… I come in to work… work on some e-mails (because seriously no attorneys or judges want to drive to this place; so they are all begging me to do stuff via e-mail so that they don’t have to make the drive) and answer some phone calls about The School District wondering if they can sue our Delinquent Defendant (to which I’m thinking, yeah… go ahead, why ask me?)… and the cleaning crew arrives (typically making most work less than successful as our cleaning crew (awesomely) is functioning individuals suffering from physical or mental disability. It is cool, because it treats them like people (as they should be treated) and provides them with some income to live as independently as they can). But… it means that there is a lot of instruction, noise, corralling… not in an offensive way; but there are a lot of similarities between how this staff works and what it would be like if your cleaning crew was made up of people from 5 years old to 16. So… it can hamper work a little.

3 Ways Obsessive Fans Are Ruining Their Own Favorite Things.
Staples Of Everyday Life (That Will Soon Be Obsolete)
6 Dark Movies You’ll Never See The Same Knowing Their Origin
(1) The Game of Thrones story here is inspiring and frustrating (in that it makes me jealous). To take that experience and turn it into those stories… impressive! I wish I could do something like that.
(2) I am Jack’s revulsion at normalcy. It is actually sad that people didn’t care enough about Chuck at his job to ask what happened to him.
(3) Sadly, not surprising. As dark and horrifying and brilliant as Se7en is… we played games like this in retail all the time. “Torture Challenge” about what tortures could be inflicted without killing… because after weeks of customers shitting on you, retail employees can develop quite the dark side.
(4) I’ve never heard of Hausu… but the idea of asking a child about their fears makes a LOT of sense when writing a scary movie!
(5) Weird shit has been happening in the world forever… the trick to it is to use it to make money.... that’s the lesson I got.
(6) Again… as someone who has worked retail during the holidays… being inspired to murder people while waiting in line during Christmas Shopping is a no brainer.
12 Movie Plots Settled With Basic Household Products
6 Actors Whose Offscreen Lives Are A Hilarious Surprise
5 Reasons (Almost) Everyone Was Wrong About Trump
5 Way Darker Real-Life Versions Of Evil Movie Organizations
5 Horrifying Laws It Took WAY Too Long To Fix
America Has Gone 7 Years Without A Raise

Well.... that took less than an hour. Which is surprising, not because that means I was reading fast (read: lawyer) but because the computer allowed me to read properly. As I’ve mentioned before… this place is so Computer Phobic that I’m using a 4 Year Old Think Pad; so doing anything quickly here (aside from typing, sitting back, then watching the words populate on the screen) can be a challenge.

Tragically, I suppose this means I should get to work.
1: Update Personal Case Management (and… I get that I’m just whinging… but it is appropriate to note, again, that in every other county Case Management is taken care of by an advanced Law Specific computer program that charts each case individually and alerts the proper attorney of filings, schedules, and law changes. Meanwhile, I have to do it all by hand, typing updates into a word document I created to keep organized. So of course, instead of an automatic computer version, I spend two hours updating things by hand.)
2: Document Review for Juvenile Offenders.
3: Case Repair. Back in my first week, Boss asked me to write something for a file. I did. I asked her to look it over and help me with it. She did. I filed it. Now, almost 4 months later, she lets me know that the thing I wrote was missing important information. This is how things go with this woman! So, I fixed it. But… yeah. I get why everyone is afraid of the guy who wants to replace Boss… but ffs, it is TIME for boss to move along. As is my new mantra with this woman “How do you function?!”
4: New Case Proceeding. Read reports, watch video, then condense all of it into my own reports to file with the court. Process takes up to two hours or so.
5: More e-mails. Which certainly doesn’t help me emotionally. Seriously… when you are so “remote” that NO ONE is willing to come to your city… that says something. Instead of being in a place where attorneys gather, I’m in a place where attorneys desperately avoid. Bah!
6: Surprised by files for a different case. My lead officer on an investigation said he’d send me his report Monday (k, cool, no worries). Surprise! There was another officer on the scene (I was unaware) and he just gave me his report. Oookay. Read reports, watch video, condense all of it into a report to file with the court.
7: Case Clean Up. Honestly, not sure if I’m doing these right or if these cases still even need the work. But I have a giant list of cases that the Clerk has been pleading with my boss to take care of (and of course Boss simply doesn’t) so… what the hell. Me trying and failing has got to be better than these stupid things never being taken care of! But… it just… is another one of those things where I realize it isn’t like this, it isn’t supposed to be like this in other places. An attorney in their first year should have guidance and aid. I truly did not hang my own shingle BECAUSE I wanted to be in a place with other lawyers that could help, bond, and be part of the experience. I have an hour left of work… 10 more things on my To Do list… but the apathy about life and the frustration about the job… just… a bit much to deal with right now.

I was talking to Wife last night… and I asked her: Do you remember why I didn’t go into the clergy or into being a therapist? Answer: I got burnt out seeing the same people, with the same issues, never changing their ways or being held accountable for their actions. So I decided I would be a prosecutor. Because I was tired of patting their hand saying it would be okay. I wanted to be part of the solution. To step in and try to make a change for the better. But here? This situation is exactly the situation that made me NOT want to be a pastor! The exact same people, with the exact same problem, and nobody willing to see that they are held accountable. Which makes me go back to my old “Mistakes and Actions” thing. I try to take a different path but wind up on the exact path I didn’t want in the first place. Hence… my apathy. And apathy is the worst place for me to be. I’d rather be raging or sorrowful. Because apathy is just… a sense of hollowness.

UGH! I’m being swallowed by this sense of apathy and it is irksome. It’s like the Venom Symbiote… it crawls up your leg just a little bit, finds a way in, and then BOOM… you’re not “Get through this and go home” you’re just… a blob of “zero fucks to give.” I hate feeling that way. PATHETICALLY I’m almost thinking I’d have been better off staying a shoe salesman.

Personally… I feel like this picture on a lot of things. Hillary/Trump… Stay in Tiny Town w/This Job vs. Move to Good Town w/o Job… yeah.