um. getting my own place. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

well it hasn’t happened yet. so lately susie I have [oh she also goes by melanie] well we’v e been talking about me getting my own place. I have lots of questions. um. so whoever has a key besides me will be up to me. yeah at the last meeting she’s like ‘maybe your mom or dad’ and i’m like ‘maybe’ when what I really mean is ‘uh no’. yeah no. I don’t trust them in that regard. also they’re not the ones getting it. I’m getting it and I’ll be the one paying rent and all that. So even though they were the ones who got me into services they’re.not the ones who have much input on where i live. in fact they weren’t at the first house i moved into. I chose that.............and then i met stephanie but didn’t choose to live there. anyway the point being that since my parents aren’t involved w/ where I live they.won’t have a key. it has to be someone I trust. [well i guess that’s how it is for anyone]. i mean i’m not going to have someone water the nonexistant plants i have in my room. [right cause they don’t exist. i mean plants do exist but i don’t have any. no but that’s kindof my point. is i wouldn’t have some random person do stuff like that]. Susie also told me that if I think i’m going to isolate myself I need to communicate that. when she said that i’m like ok. not ok as in ‘i’m going to’ ok as in ‘ok good to know’. again i’l choose who i want to talk to about that.stuff. if i isolate myself well..........that’s none of her business. [no it is i just want her to back off before it’s even happened.as usual. and the only way she will is if i do that. yes but see that cycle doesn’t work for me. the more someone pushes me the less i do].which is why it doesn’t work. even w/ valerie i don’t ask for help w/ emotional stuff. I’ll ask for it from my friends but that’s it. causei know it won’t go anywhere but between me them. and if I know it won’t then I won’t talk to them about stuff. so really nothing much has changed here.
So apparently. there’ll be someone coming by a couple times a wk. and that will be scheduled but not at first. If after awhile i want it to be it can be. yes but i want that now i don’t want to wait. [yes and that’s my problem is i don’t have patience]. I’m also not the type to let people in right away...........i’m not the jump in w/ both feet type. w/ things like that i go about it slowly. it took me a yr. to start opening up to my psych. which is fine. The reason we didn’t start once a wk. was cause I wasn’t ready to. and even now we’re not but also.we’re good and if it’s not broken then.........well i certainly won’t be the one to break it.
so yeah. there was probably more but i don’t want to go into it so.